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Will you join my Happiness Challenge? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
16 Mar 2012 | 2 Comments

As a Mum I really struggle to spend enough time looking after my own needs ... after all that was part of the motivation for creating Mums on the Go ... I know I am not the only one!

I was recently selected to write a blog as part of the Kids Business 'Happiness Inspires Happiness' project which provides me the perfect opportunity to make my own happiness more of a priority and to invite you to join my on a 7 DAY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE

How does the 7 DAY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE work?

Starting on Monday 19th March my aim is to do ONE THING EVERY DAY that makes ME HAPPY.

Now that may not sound very impressive but let me ask you ... do you currently do something EVERY DAY, just for yourself, that makes you feel really happy?

How would it feel if you did?

What difference might it make both to you and your family if you got to do more things that made you feel happy?

Starting on Monday I will be posting my Happiness action on Facebook and I invite you to add yours too. At the end of the week I will write a post sharing how the 7 Days went and how it changed (or didn't change) my experiences.

So ... will YOU join me?

Linda x

2012 has hit a bump ... a baby bump that is by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, The Mums on the Go Journey
9 Feb 2012 | 3 Comments

As we prepared to move from Melbourne back to Sydney last year I took some time to map out what I wanted 2012 to look like professionally and personally. After quite a rocky 2011 I was keen to create a calmer path in 2012.

For Mums on the Go my focus was to add 2 more cities to the child-friendly directory (most likely Brisbane and Perth), work on increasing number of Mums visiting the website every month and really get stuck into creating revenue ... after all I can't "donate" my time forever.

Personally, I wanted to really focus on self care ... getting fitter, feeling calmer and having a little more "down time". As a family we wanted to do some travel this year to take advantage of the last "non-school" year and airfares before our 'baby' turns 2 in November. We planned a trip to Waiheke Island (NZ) to see if it is somewhere we might like to live one day, a trip back to Magnetic Island to enjoy some tropical warmth and our big trip was to be 4 weeks in Europe/UK to visit family and friends. My husband has a brother and a sister over there who have 3 kids each ... we would love our girls to meet their UK cousins.

Sounds like a great plan! The only thing is my plan for 2012 hit a small bump before Christmas ... I discovered I am pregnant!

We had always wanted to have three children and having struggled to conceive our first two babies I was thrilled to have fallen pregnant without actually trying. I felt like a silly teenager turning up to my GP announcing I was pregnant and had no idea when my last period was ... who was counting ... I was too busy moving cities!

Obviously we are thrilled by this news but it does mean baby #3 is becoming part of our family sooner that I had "planned" so there are quite a few things in 2012 that won't be happening anymore ... like that trip to Europe, and I think I will settle for just getting Brisbane added to Mums on the Go. Trust me ... I am not complaining at all though ...

The great thing about plans is that you can always make new ones!

Linda x

Am I Wonder Woman? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, The Mums on the Go Journey
16 Jan 2012 | 2 Comments

It was my birthday a few weeks ago.

A card arrived from my Dad with a picture of Wonder Woman on the front. This made me smile as Wonder Woman was my hero when I was about 5 years old ... I remember going to the Easter Show and getting a Wonder Woman showbag. I thought Wonder Woman was amazing ... she was strong, adventurous, fought for good not evil and had a great costume!

I opened the birthday card and inside was a message, part of which said "Graphic perhaps captures life for you in 2011 - hope 2012 provides more opportunity for relaxing and a slower pace"

2011 had certainly been a challenging year and contained very little "rest". It saw me with a newborn baby in Melbourne, my business partner decided to move on from Mums on the Go leaving me with a tough choice about continuing the business, I suffered depression, added Melbourne to the child-friendly directory and then at short notice discovered we were moving back to Sydney again ...

Am I Wonder Woman for getting through 2011 with a smile still on my face? No, I don't think so ... but I do hope I have captured some of Wonder Woman's determination, adventurous spirit, and energy!

Do I think 2012 will bring the the rest my Dad hopes it will? Not at all!!! I have more big plans for Mums on the Go and some new adventures to plan in my personal life. Hopefully 2012 will be less "bumpy" though ... that would be really nice.

Did you have a childhood hero? Can you still relate to them now that you are all grown up?

Linda x

What do you want 2012 to be? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
31 Dec 2011 | 0 Comments

So here we are on the last day of 2011, I suppose I should be writing about how to set amazing goals for the year to come or how to make resolutions that will last more than the coming week ... but I won't.

For me the new year is a wonderful time to reflect and re-energise but personally I prefer to create a vision or intention for the year to come that will in turn inspire the goals I set as my year unfolds. My vision becomes my measuring stick during the year and I love how unexpected some of the ways I fulfill my vision are.

What do I want my 2012 to be about?

Laughter: joy, free spirited, lightness
Adventure: travel, camping, new places, adrenalin
Friendships: old, new, rewarding, connection
Boldness: dream big, act big, be big
Tranquility: calm, centered, meditate, yoga
Family: love, support, connect, laughter

What about you ... what would you like your 2012 to be about?

Linda x

The struggle with fertility by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, Women who Inspire
19 Dec 2011 | 4 Comments

Last night I flicked on the TV and came across 60 minutes who were doing reruns of stories from 2011. There was an interview with Nicole Kidman. She spoke candidly about her struggle with fertility which I found refreshing and touching.

In my experience the emotions involved in a struggle with fertility are often not spoken openly about and yet more women than I think we realise are impacted. Nicole Kidman talks about "anyone that's been in the place of wanting another child, or wanting a child, knows the disappointment, the pain and the loss that you go through trying and struggling with fertility is such a big thing." If I hadn't gone through my own struggle I doubt I would really appreciate the significance of these words.

I am sure we all know people who have had a miscarriage, undergone IVF or taken a really long time to conceive but do you really know what that journey has been like emotionally for them? It is an uncomfortable topic, something that is hard to articulate when you are going through it and something people feel awkward asking about ... so conversation remains polite and matter of fact.

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks - I was devastated by this at the time. Then it took a further 12 months of actively "trying" before we conceived again. During this 12 months I felt as though I would never fall pregnant, never become a mother. I found it hard to talk about my emotions during this time as I didn't want to be "tiresome" to my friends but on the other hand it was such a significant part of my life that I needed to be open about it.

But I also wonder if this is just me ... perhaps there are groups of friends who do share very openly the pain involved when you struggle with fertility. I am really interested to hear from other on this.

I believe that our journey as mothers is easier when we can be truly open with others about our experiences, our good days and our bad. It is through openness and acceptance that we see we are not alone.

Linda x

All I want for Christmas is ... by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
11 Dec 2011 | 0 Comments

What is on your Christmas wish list?

Mine reads something like this:

1. A sleep in ... not not on Christmas Day itself, that would be totally unrealistic. I am thinking more on the lines of an IOU from my husband where he agrees to be 100% on morning duty. Wake up, breakfast kids, dress kids and put baby back down to sleep. Meanwhile I get to doze in bed, perhaps read my book ... ideally be brought a coffee but that is optional.

2. A new wallet ... this made an appearance on the list after my wallet was stolen from the stroller whilst Christmas shopping 10 days ago with 2 kids in tow

3. New (nice) underwear ... after finishing up with breastfeeding a couple of weeks ago I am looking forward to tossing the maternity bras I have been wearing for what seems like a lifetime. I can't wait to go and buy some new bras! I have actually suggested a DJ's gift voucher so I can hit the January sales.

On a side note, about buying new bras, I am always the kind of girl that goes for practical rather than gorgeous yet I secretly wish I went more for gorgeous. What about you? I can never justify spending too much money on bras so I go for a simple plain black, simple white and a good t-shirt bra. Dull.

I have been enjoying watching the new Bonds ad on TV, although I prefer it as full length shown below. It is a cute and quirky version of the 12 Days of Christmas with a Nick Cave sounding track. Although my bum has never looked that good in a pair of undies it still manages to make me feel that even I might look and feel good in some new Bonds underwear.

But I digress. As we hang the final decorations on our Christmas tree today ... I wonder what Santa will be bringing me this year ... have I been naughty or nice?

What is on your Christmas Wish list this year?

Linda x

Feel like a broken record? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood
8 Dec 2011 | 0 Comments

Do you ever feel like a broken record when dealing with your kids?

Today I went to my local Westfield Shopping Centre to do a few things. The carpark was packed, after all it is just over 2 weeks til Christmas, so of course there were no Parent with Pram parking spots available.

I was weaving my way across the carpark with a 1 year old in the stroller and a 3 year old by my side. All I could hear was my nagging Mummy voice saying "slow down, hold onto the stroller, stop and look for cars" ... over and over again. Geez ... my 3 year old must of thought I was such a drag because I sure felt like one.

As we approached the shop entrance and I was asking Miss 3 to follow the yellow stripey lines a security guy in his yellow vest caught my eye and said "You are doing a really good job". "Thanks ... it is hard sometimes" I said. He pointed over his shoulder and said "well, that's what just happened". My heart sank as I looked behind him and saw a circle of white curtain stands surrounding a medical team and a pedestrian. The curtains both protecting the privacy of the injured and also the general public from seeing something best not seen. "A little person?" I ask ... "no, a bigger person" he says. I nod and walk away with my girls filled with a heavy sadness.

Next time you feel like a broken record don't worry about it ... you might be saving your child's life that day ... who knows?

Oh, and for the handful of people who have had a go at me for my views on Parent with Pram parking ... surely reducing the amount distance a mother has to juggle small children through a busy, large carpark is a worthwhile service to provide? Just because my mother would have had to juggle me and my siblings through a carpark doesn't mean we shouldn't take steps as a community to reduce risks now.

Be safe ... Linda x

Big Truck Day by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Relationships
10 Nov 2011 | 0 Comments

For several days I have been preparing Miss 3 for "Big Truck Day" ... they day all her toys and books would be packed up into boxes to be sent back to our Sydney house.

And so here I am sitting on my bed, surrounded by boxes, doing some work while I listen to the sound of packing tape at the other end of the house. Even with all this packing activity it doesn't actually feel real ... I find it hard to imagine that this time next week I will be sleeping in my own home again. I wonder how long it will take for that to feel "normal", how long before it feels like we never actually left?

There are many things I will miss about Melbourne and I didn't make a very big dent in my list of things to do before we leave. We have made some wonderful friends here and have lots of happy memories. It will be nice to go home though. We were renovating our house for several years before we left ... I am talking BIG renovation mostly done by us. I know every wall, paint colour and floorboard in that house. My husband was literally finishing concreting at midnight the night before we left for Melbourne so we have never lived in the "finished" house. It will be lovely to go home and enjoy all our hard work, reacquaint Miss 3 to her Sydney house and of course bring an extra child home with us!

Our 24 month contract to live in Melbourne only turned out to be 16 months. I am still a little unsure how I feel about the whole adventure. I do know I am glad we came but I am also glad to be going home.

Linda x

Goodbye Little Black Dress by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
17 Oct 2011 | 3 Comments

Last week I had a watershed moment ... I let go of 2 sexy black dresses I have owned for about 12 years. Classic in style they would still be in fashion now but it was time to let go.

There was a charity bag dropped off at our house and due for collection. As we are about to move back to Sydney I thought it was a good opportunity for a basic clean out of cupboards. I threw in some shoes I really should never have bought, a few kids clothes still in good nick but not worth holding onto for Maddison and then I went to find a lovely linen dress I wore about 15 years ago but hasn't fitted me for a long time and to be honest is a little "young" for me these days. I opened the cupboard where the linen dress was hanging and right next to it were 2 sexy black dresses that I had forgotten I owned.

I looked briefly at them, fondly remembered the occasions I had worn them and then hastily shoved them into the charity bag. My chest felt tight and my heart was racing a little I observed ... what on earth was that about?

I realised that getting rid of these dresses was an admission that I was never actually going to fit into them again. And let's face it when was the last time I went anywhere that you could wear a little black dress?? LOL

On a logical level I have no problem with the way I look or the shape of my body. I am a mid 30's woman, with 2 small children who doesn't make enough time to exercise and indulges in a little too much red wine and chocolate right now. I am only carrying about 2kg more than I would like but it is not really the numbers on the scale that bother me ... it is the fact those 2kg seems to be all sitting on my wibbly wobbly tummy ... oh and a bit on my thighs too.

As my husband and I hope to have another baby one day I struggle with the motivation to shift those 2 kg as I know I will just undo it all again being pregnant ... one day. I have definitely found it harder after my second baby to lose the weight than I did with my first. Mostly because I have found it harder to get exercise. I have always imagined that once I finish having children I will get really fit again ... I hope that is true.

So if I can explain all of this so rationally why did I feel so upset as I jammed these dresses into a plastic bag. Because, all though I knew I would never wear these again I didn't actually like that or want to accept it. I would love to wave a magic wand and have the body I had in my early 20's and in some strange way part of me believes that I "should" or "could" ... which is silly because I won't.

Until that moment I hadn't really realised that I haven't accepted the "new me" or at least the "current me" ... the me that is still breastfeeding and wearing old maternity bras, the me that chooses to write another blog post instead of getting on the rowing machine, the me that enjoys a glass of red wine at night than focus on losing some weight.

Letting go of those dresses is like saying goodbye to a version of me that I liked and didn't want to let go of.

So now it is time to start enjoying all the wonderful things "this me" has to offer ... even if it does include some extra lumps and bumps.

How do you feel about your body after having kids? Love to hear your story too ...

Linda x

There's no place like home by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, The Mums on the Go Journey, Relationships
24 Aug 2011 | 3 Comments

I have been a little absent from facebook and blog posts in recent days while I to terms with the shock announcement that my family and I will be moving back to Sydney in mid-November.

We moved to Melbourne just over a year ago for a 2 year stint c/o my husbands work. It has been a pretty challenging time over the past 12 months I have given birth to my second child, unexpectedly become the sole "mum on the go" and struggled with PND. There have been may lovely things about being here though - the opportunity for my eldest to get to know her cousins, we have made some lovely new friends and managed to explore some lovely places beyond Melbourne.

Just 2 weeks ago my husband and I sat down over a glass of red wine and brainstormed all the lovely things we were going to do over summer before heading back to Sydney next May ... lots of time at the beach (which we can walk to), camping trips, more exploring outside Melbourne and so on. So this sudden change has left me feeling a little out of kilter. Funny that we have quite clearly been keen to return to Sydney at the end of the 2 year contract but now we are given the opportunity to head back early and I feel resistance.

Of course it will be lovely to return to Sydney, it is home for us and we have many wonderful friends there. However we won't be able to return to our actual home as we have tenants in it until April so we will need to rent elsewhere for 6 months and then move again. Sigh ...

I am unlikely to find childcare at the end of the year but I am secretly hoping some other family will get unexpected news about an interstate move and space will magically become available for my girls :) If not, I will just have to juggle for a while.

I feel sad for my 3 year old who has made some very special friends. I know everyone says to me "she's a child, she will adjust quickly". That may be true but I don't want to belittle the depth of connection she feels with a couple of very special people here. I know we were always going to leave next May anyway but somehow it feels unfair to deprive her of 6 months of time with these friends.

The next few months are going to be very busy. I am determined to still launch our child-friendly business directory for Melbourne sometime in October but I do need to be careful not run myself into the ground in the process. So I plan to start going to a group personal training session on Saturday mornings to give me a physical outlet for the crazy time ahead. I also commit to getting the kids down to the beach every sunny Melbourne day we have between now and November ... after all we did pick this house/Suburb so that we could enjoy this part of Melbourne!

What a funny old journey this thing called "life" is - LOL

Linda x

The Importance of Being by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood
17 Aug 2011 | 0 Comments

Last week I had pretty big realisation about my relationship with my 3 year old daughter. It was a pretty obvious one but I guess just something I hadn't really consciously thought about.

Realisation ... I AM A REALLY IMPORTANT PRESENCE IN HER WORLD

Now before you roll on the floor laughing and say "well, duh ... you ARE her mother ... how could you not know you are important?!" ... I have always known and felt honoured that as her mother I am a really important person in her world in terms of love, nurturing, teaching, guiding, encouraging, cuddling, feeding, playing and so forth ... so let me explain what this was really about for me.

What I hadn't really thought about was how important simply being in her world day in, day out is. I am there when she goes to bed in the morning and when she falls asleep at night and THAT is actually a really important thing to her.

It dawned on me as my husband prepared to head away on another interstate work trip that he would spend as many nights away from her each month as I have spent away in her whole life. In over 1000 sleeps I have been away from her for 6. This realisation was BIG for me. Not from the "I want some time to myself" perspective but from the "Wow, what a stable and consistent part of her world I am" perspective.

I think I have undervalued this aspect of being a Mum. Just BEING there makes a difference in her world.

Is Mother Guilt a Social Taboo? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
11 Jul 2011 | 3 Comments

Mother Guilt.

Do you have it? Do you talk openly about the fact that you have it?

Recently there has been a lot of media coverage after one of Australia's most high-profile magazine editors, marie claire's Jackie Frank broke down on her new TV show, sharing her personal difficulties with the juggling act.

In a recent newspaper article about Mother Guilt I was appalled to read online comments such as:

"who cares.....they decided to have kids, their problem. STOP YOUR WHINGING"
"No one is forcing women to have children, then to dump them into childcare. 5 children and complaining, why have them if you have no intention of nurturing and loving them."
"Oh boo hoo. Choices, you made them, you live with them."
"You can tell my kids are home-raised because they are skinny unlike the childcare cage-raised and junk-food fed kids."

Why is it so bloody hard to empathise and respect the choices that mothers/families make about whether to work or not?

My husband gets "Daddy guilt" sometimes when he is travelling interstate for work and our toddler is crying on the phone because she is missing him ... but when he talks to his mates about finding the work travel tough because he hates being away from us nobody turns around and says "you chose to have kids ... stop whinging"!!

There must be mothers I know who experience Mother Guilt around the juggle of work and parenting BUT when I stop to think about it I actually don't know anyone who talks openly about their personal experience. Why? perhaps because Mothers fear being on the receiving end of harsh judgement and criticism like the above comments!

So is Mother Guilt a social taboo ... something we know exists but would prefer not to talk about?

Linda x

Push Presents - have they become the norm? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
23 Jun 2011 | 3 Comments

I was suckered (as in I really should have been doing something else in that moment) into read this article yesterday about "Push Presents" ... receiving a gift (often jewellery) from your husband when you give birth.

When I had my first child I had never even heard the term "push present" so I didn't even have to consider would I want one or not, did I agree with the concept or not. My younger sister who had her first child 6 months later introduced me to the term when she told me ahead of time what she had asked her husband to buy. At that point in time I really didn't like the idea ... but then I am also the kind of girl that didn't want a baby shower ... just not my thing.

However, my Mum gave me a beautiful single pearl necklace as a gift when my first baby was born. It was really touching to have my Mum acknowledge me for becoming a Mum myself. This necklace is called "Hannah's Pearl" and I plan to give it to my daughter at some point in the future ... perhaps her 21st? I love that whenever I wear it I automatically think about her and how special she is.

So when my second baby was due to be born last year I told my husband I loved having Hannah's Pearl so much that I asked if he would get something to mark the occasion of baby #2 ... continue the tradition. My husband thought that was a lovely idea BUT then managed to totally forget we had ever had the conversation! So about a month after Maddison was born my birthday was approaching and I suggested we go shopping for an antique ring that would be part birthday present and part Maddison's birth ring that will one day become hers to own ... again her 21st a likely candidate.

Now although I have items of jewelry that relate to the arrival of my children I do not feel they are "push presents" ... I don't feel they are my personal 'reward' for giving birth or something I was entitled to because I had a baby. But perhaps they are ...

So now I am intrigued ... are push presents the norm and I am just a bit behind the times?

What do YOU think?

Did you get one?

Did you want one?

Regardless, I think most women don't receive enough "nice" gifts in life so if having baby makes that happen well who I am to turn my nose up at that idea!

Linda x

When did you last have 24 hours without a child? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
6 Jun 2011 | 6 Comments

When did you last spend 24 hours without a child?

2 weeks ago I sent a text to a friend to tee up a play date for our toddlers who are best little friends. A text came back apologising that her daughter was staying at Grandma's house for the whole weekend ... 2 night, 3 days. My friend then proceeded to share how much she and her husband were enjoying their time together ... sleep in, afternoon movie and were preparing to head out to a party that night. I confess I was most envious of this carefree weekend ...

I then stopped to think about when I last spent 24 hours without a child ... the answer ... March 2010! I was utterly shocked by this, surely I had taken some timeout for myself since then??? Didn't I have a night away before Maddison was born last year? Nope - in amongst relocating cities, getting settled in, and running 2 businesses I realised I didn't even think about having a night away. THAT is what shocked me the most ... I hadn't even thought of it when it was actually possible ... and now with a 6 month old baby who won't take expressed milk from a bottle I won't be going anywhere without a child for quite sometime.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love being with them ... but even before I had kids I was known to disappear for weekends totally alone ... it is good for my soul. Somehow along the way I have stopped making this a priority.

As I sat in my lounge room, in shock, I thought about writing this blog ... and then I wondered if you were going to think me selfish, or perhaps unreasonable for having these feelings. Perhaps the last time you had 24 hours without a child was even longer ago than March 2010 and you are wondering what my problem is! Funny how I worry about being judged for my reflections about this ...

Is having a decent chunk of time "child free" important in your world? If so, how do you make it happen and does it happen often enough?

Linda x

When to Surrender by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
16 May 2011 | 0 Comments

I have been thinking a lot recently about the concept of "surrender". I think that we often view surrender as another word for "give up" and perhaps even "to fail".
However, the act of surrender if often a key step in the path to happiness and making progress towards a desired outcome.

Have you ever experienced a situation in life where the harder you tried to make something happen the harder the journey became? The harder you tried the more friction there appeared to be? This is a perfect time to practice surrender.

As I thought about how to describe what surrender means to me I found the following explanation online:

"You swim in water -- you go to the river and swim. What do you do? You trust water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost becomes one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If you are stiff and tense you will be drowned; if you are relaxed the river takes care.

Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either you can fight or you can float; either you can push the river and try to go against the current or you can float with the river and go wherever the river leads you." taken from www.sannyasworld.com

Sometimes we can't change the flow of life, no matter how hard we try ... this is not a reflection of our capabilities. Instead of fighting against the current of our life it is easier and more effective to flow with it. This does not mean "give up" though ... it simply means to trust the path you are on and be open to the possibilities that arise.

So how does this apply to me right now?

Well, my second daughter is almost 6 months old now and I had planned to start her in childcare 2 days a week from the start of June to allow me to resume coaching clients and have more time for growing Mums on the Go. This was what happened after the birth of my first child and it worked perfectly. There is just one hiccup ... Maddison is STILL refusing to drink from a bottle, even though it is expressed milk, so this means she is fully dependant on my presence during the day. I have been fighting with this for almost 3 months now, almost every day trying to get her to take a small drink with the bottle. Some days we seem to make progress but overall the result is still "NO BOTTLE".

In this past week I have finally come to a place of surrender ... it will just be what it will be, I can't make this happen any faster and I will just have to adjust my own professional expectations to match what is really happening.
Perhaps she will start taking a bottle soon. Perhaps she never will but in a few more months she may happily drink from a cup, or perhaps it will be another 6 months before I am free to coach clients again. It will just be what it will be and I need to start floating on my river instead of fighting it ...

What do you need to surrender to?

Judgement Day by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
11 Apr 2011 | 2 Comments

Over the past week there has been a lot of media and online (blogs, facebook etc) comment on the very public criticism of Australian radio presenter, Jackie O, for feeding her baby whilst crossing the road.
This story has sparked outrage from mothers across the country who have found the criticism to be ludicrous ... and I must say I agree.

However, what I am more fascinated by is not the "right and wrong" of the comments made on both sides of the story but by why mothers judge other mothers and why we are so deeply affected if we are on the receiving end.

Being a mother is one of the most important things we will ever take part in during our lifetime yet we don't study it at school or go on a training program before we "get the job". We form impressions and expectations of "the job" from our own family experiences and from those around us and set out wanting to be the best Mum we can be.

Then we are thrown into the deep end, without instructions, with conflicting messages about what to do and not to do, and worry about whether we are getting it "right". I know many of my parenting choices are not preplanned, they occur organically growing from whatever situation I am presented with in that moment. I may have had some ideas prior to that moment but they don't always stick when the time comes. I often feel like I am fumbling and bumbling along the way.

Every mother I know makes choices about parenting that she believes will be good for her children based on whatever information is at hand in that moment. Just because her choices may be different to mine does not make them right or wrong, better or worse ... just different.

I remember a few months ago, just after the birth of my second child, being in a shopping centre with my girls. My toddler, who was going through some big adjustments with the arrival of her baby sister, had a HUGE tantrum in the middle of a department store over something very small. A sign to me that she was feeling overwhelmed. My personal choice was to let her rant and rave until she felt better - so I calmly told her when she had finished crying she could get up and have a cuddle and then we would finish our job. Another Mother walked by and looked at my daughter before saying "you wouldnt get away with that behaviour at my house lovey". Judgement, Judgement, Judgement ...

When I reflect on that moment I wonder why she felt the need to pass judgement and publicly?
Did she need to feel "right" and validated for the choices she makes when her children have tantrums? Why is it so hard to accept that we all make different choices and that perhaps empathy would be a more appropriate thing to share.
On a different day I may have been upset by the exchange, I might have doubted my parenting choice and wondered if I was doing a good enough job. I think I was too sleep deprived that day to care ...

I wonder what would happen if for the next month every mother on the planet refrained from judgement and instead practiced empathy and acceptance instead? If I could wave my magic wand I would make that happen.

Remember, very few parenting choices are actually right OR wrong ... they are just choices.

Linda x

Motherless Daughters by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Women who Inspire, Relationships
21 Mar 2011 | 9 Comments

This blog post has been written by Cheryl Strong ... a valued member of the Mums on the Go community ...

When you lose your mother, a piece of your heart (a BIG piece) goes forever. Well that's what happened to me when I lost my mum to cancer 12 years ago.

Like most mum's my mum was my rock, my security blanket, my inspiration....I could go on!! She was the WORLD to me, and still is......and now after having my beautiful son, my admiration for my mother has increased 1 million fold (you know what I mean!?).

I joke with my husband and say if my mum was still alive I would kiss her feet, bring her tea & toast in bed everyday, pay for a massage once week, buy her flowers all the time to thank her for all the sleepless nights, all her love & patience, the hours & hours of rocking me to sleep, for changing my smelly nappies, preparing & cooking all my meals,...as a mum I am sure you get the picture.

It is just amazing how much you love you have for your children and I thought it was hard when I lost my mum but to think that she had to leave her four children (& my gorgeous dad of course) it must have been just terrible.

There are a variety of challenges that come with being a mum, but for me the biggest one is not having my mum around. I have so many questions to ask her, so much tell her and you know what - now and then I just wish she could pop over and make me dinner, or do a load of washing or clean the house!!

I often refer to myself as a "motherless daughter" and I know I am not alone, there are plenty of us out there. The promise I have made to my mum, as a loyal & loving daughter is to always seek out the happiness in this life that she wanted for me! This is what keeps me going on bad days and now allows me to smile (most of the time) when she comes to mind.

One of my favorite quotes is "A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take" - Cardinal Mermillod.

Lastly, I don't have any sisters either but I am sooooo blessed to be have such gorgeous women in my life. I am surrounded by the most amazing, caring and inspirational women. Plus my husband, one of the most amazing men alive & my beautiful, beautiful 12 month old son.

Cheryl x

Feeling Romantic? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Helpful Hints, Relationships
14 Feb 2011 | 2 Comments

On a scale of 1 - 10 how romantic do you feel in your relationship?

Although I personally dislike the commercialism of Valentines Day I do find it a good day to stop and reflect on the level of romance in my marriage.

I know it is easy to allow the romance to fizzle when my day is full of breastfeeding, toddler tantrums, cooking, keeping on top of work, endless loads of washing ... you get the idea ... When my husband comes home do I feel romantic? Absolutely not! Even when the day has been largely "happy" and "easy" with the kids I still feel pretty drained by 6.30pm.

I also know that if all I focus on is the "doing" of parenting the "being" in a loving, nurturing relationship suffers so it is really important to find simple ways to regularly connect with feeling romantic.

Part of wanting to feel romantic is about how you feel about yourself.
Here are some hints for how you can add more romance all year round:
1. Ask your partner to ditch the present and write a list of all the things they love about you
2. Ask for a weekly back rub in bed (perhaps your TV-Free night?)
3. Request a regular weekly sleep-in where he takes the kids out of the house for the morning, and not return until it's time for their lunch. You sleep in, give yourself a facial,and have a shower...by yourself...with No interruptions!
4. Write romantic notes for each other and leave them to be found (in the fridge, your handbag, on the computer etc) - they only need to be a few words

It doesn't take much effort to do all or a combination of these things every day, and you will be amazed by the change in your relationship.

Linda x

The Value of Time Out by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
25 Jan 2011 | 3 Comments

I have always been a person who values time to myself. I like a little solitude sometimes, the ability to just "be" and not have to engage with the world. My friends used to think I was odd for occasionaly heading away for weekends alone ... that was before I had kids. Since having kids I still value time alone, it just takes a different shape ... going for a swim, sitting in a coffee shop with the weekend paper, even cooking dinner but with kids absent from the house.
Quite frankly I am a nicer/better person when I have regular time-out.

8 weeks ago today I gave birth to my second child and re-entered the phase of being a mother which is very high dependence.

In the past 8 weeks I have had a total of 70 minutes to myself without a child. At the 5 week mark my toddler was at daycare and my husband was at home. He offered to settle the baby so I could escape the house ... a quick drive to the shops to buy bread and much needed take-away coffee! 25 minutes return trip.

On Sunday, my husband offered to look after both kids so I could have a little time for myself. I fed the baby, put her to bed, threw on a pair of swimmers and made a mad dash to the bay. Had a quick swim, lay in the sun to dry off ... wished I could stay longer ... and made a mental note to ask for this to happen EVERY weekend as it was so refreshing for my soul. 45 minutes - all mine!
Returned home to find my husband had received baptism by fire ... baby didnt stay asleep and toddler threw an attention seeking tantrum. Oh well ...

Although I know how important it is for my personal well-being to have some time out I am also acutely aware that I am not really helping myself attain it. With a newborn baby I have found myself falling back into old habits of putting everyone else's needs before mine (not just the baby) and if my husband suggests ways of getting me out without the kids my intense tiredness tends to make all suggestions feel "too hard" so I say "no".

As the underlying value of Mums on the Go is to help mums value their own needs as much as their childrens it facinates me to observe my own personal struggle with this right now. It seems ironic that something I believe so strongly in can be so challenging right now to actually achieve. I know it will get easier in coming months. For now I commit to asking for an hour out each weekend to go and throw myself in the salty water of the Bay to help clear the cobwebs from my sleep deprived brain.

Linda x

The top 10 ways to be a 'good' parent by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, Helpful Hints
19 Dec 2010 | 0 Comments

Mums on the Go is all about Mums and their personal needs. We are not a parenting site. There are plenty of resources catering to parenting questions and concerns ....for example, Amazon has 40 thousand pareting guides. To put that in perspective, western world's other obsession - dieting, Amazon only has a 'slim' 16 thosuand books available.

A Mum is a parent, so at times it is hard to draw a clear distinction between the two. But Linda and I strongly believe that you will be a good/better parent by valuing your needs as much as you value your childrens. Most of us fall into the trap of neglecting our needs and putting ourselves last. And then we are reticent to ask for help.

I picked up a magazine this week and my interest was piqued by an article titled "What makes a good parent? A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly some dont even involve the kids."

The article appeared in 'Scientific American Mind'. basically the authors conducted a meta study where they compared many of the most popular pareting models with what parents actually did, and then compared these to their children's behaviour. The top 10 are:

1. Love and Affection - provide lots of this to your kids

2. Stress Management - you ensure your stress levels are at a minumum

3. Relationship Skills - you model a 'healthy' relationship with your co-parent whether you are together or separated/divorced.

4. Autonomy and Independence - you treat your child with respect and encourage them to be self sufficient

5. Education and learning - you promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child

6. Life Skills - you provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future

7. Behaviour management - make extensive use of positive reinforcement and use punishment ONLY when ALL other behaviour management tactics have failed

8. Health - you model healthy eating and regular exercise

9. Religion - you participate in spiritual activities

10. Safety - you take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of thei friends and activities.

So what does this mean? I believe it means that you need to value your needs in order to be a good parent. There is no excuse about not having time to look after yourself - be it a visit to a gym, a dietician or talk to someone about dealing with stress. because if you are serious about being a good/better parent, you need to ensure you are in a healthy space in your life.

Looking forward to the new year - can you think of a resolution from the list above where you can spend more time on yourself? I am going to try and encourage my kids to be more independent and autonomous. I kind of fall into a trap thinking I have to do EVERYTHING for them - even when they are old enough to do it for themselves (like gettting dressed).

I'd love to hear what inspiration you can get from the list. And your thoughts to the article itself.....

This is the last blog for the year. I am going to have 2 weeks off and try to recharge my creative juices.

Thanks for being part of the Mums on the Go Community this year - i look forward to seeing where 2011 takes us

I wish you a safe, enjoyable and relaxing festive season

love Calli

The fear-factory of motherhood by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View, Relationships
5 Dec 2010 | 2 Comments

Four years ago today, at 35 weeks gestation, we were told by a very nice and gentle obstetrician, whom I had never met before, that our baby needed to come out into the world within the next 48 hours.

He thought the baby had shrunk over preceding two weeks. He diagnosed inter-uterine growth retardation and raised the possibility that our baby may have intellectual disabilities, because it hadn't been receiving enough nutrients to grow. The 18 week ultrasound picked up a problem, but my G.P didn't read the report, nor did he send it onto midwives at the birth centre, even though they had rung him several times and asked for all the paper work.

***

I've not really had much to do with kids before I had my own.

I'm an only child, and my mother is not what you would describe as 'child-friendly'.

Around the age of 20, I was diagnosed as having endometriosis and warned that conceiving could be difficult, if not impossible. So I planned a glittering career so I didn't have to try and fail.

I was so cut off from the whole 'mothering' instinct that I wasn't even interested in my closest friends children when they were born. I don't think I even held any of them. And if I did, it was because I felt obliged to.

***

"I dont think I can love a child with a disability"

That is all I could think.

Again and again.

And all I could feel was ashamed.

I knew it was wrong, but I was imagining how embarrassing it would be to explain to everyone, for the rest of my child's life, what kind of disability my child had. How I would always feel on the outer, different from all the perfect families around me.

Now I have kids I know that of course I would have loved my child if she had had a disability. I now understand the power of a mother's love. The unbreakable force. The all-encompassing all- consuming love a mother has for her child.

When Zali was born and whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care, it was a terrifying. She seemed so frail, yet was in a much better position than all the tiny bubs in the beeping electrified cribs around her. I knew how fortunate we were.

This was my introduction to motherhood.

And no-one, not even me, stopped to think about the repercussions this introduction would have on me.

Everyone was focussed on her. On how she looked (like an alien!) On how small she was. On how scared they felt when they saw her in the humidicrib.

But no-one turned to me and said 'wow, this must be scary for you.'

Until this morning.

Four years later, one of my favourite mummy friends commented that it must have been a terrifying experience. She said it was scary enough to have a perfectly healthy baby from a text-book standard pregnancy.

She's right.

If it had been my second child, I think I would have been much more secure in the whole love-conquers-all. Well, at least I would like to think that.

There are so many pithy one-liners about how kids don't come with an instruction manual. But not enough of us stop to think, really think, about what this actually means to a first time Mum. How scary it is when your child cries and you cant seem to sooth them. About the confusion you feel when they just won't sleep when and where you want them to. About how your body is not your own anymore. And then when it is, it droops and sags in places that it didn't before kids.

But four years and two gorgeous girls down the track, I can see the light. And I can offer myself support and comfort.

If you are feeling doubt, or fear about motherhood......You are normal.

And you are not alone.

Love Calli xxx

mother guilt - a hard habit to break by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, A Mum's View, Relationships
21 Nov 2010 | 2 Comments

Something really amazing happened to me on Friday night. I apologised to my husband for asking him to do something that I defined as being part of "my job" .

He turned to me and said "Why are you apologising?"

You know the stupid thing was that I actually had to THINK about why - it just felt like because he was doing something that I thought I was 100% responsible for, I needed to apologise.

So I thought about it, and realised:

It was because I felt incredibly guilty about asking him to do something for me.

I felt like I was asking a huge favour.

Isn't that crazy????

I never grumble if he asks me to do something out of the ordinary for him, so why should I feel like it was such a huge imposition?

Today we had a play date with some friends down the road. The Mum spent last saturday night with her girlfriend in a hotel - cocktails by the pool, massage in the afternoon, dinner in a dress, (at a table that had no melamine crockery) and then she slept in a bed, (with no children in it) until 8am the next morning!

She simultaneously relished the experience, and felt guilty......a little about being away from the kids, a little more about the cost, and the guilt-kicker was leaving her husband to be the solo parent for the night.

And the craziest thing about her guilt is that her husband does a lot of over-seas travel for his work. It is common for him to be away at least one week every month.....and she was feeling guilty about one night!!!!

It reminded me about the blog Linda wrote about asking for help, and it also made me think about how us Mums, (and in particular working Mums) are the largest and fastest growing economy in the world....and how we are NOT flexing our power. We are too busy apologising for not having a clone.

What do you apologise of feel unnecessarily guilty about? I'd love to know....

Being a Mum is a lot like being a Business Owner by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Working Mums, The Mums on the Go Journey
1 Nov 2010 | 2 Comments

As of today I am officially on maternity leave ... and yet here I am posting a blog!

So what does maternity leave actually mean to me as a business owner?

It means that I have put in a lot of work completing major tasks and pre-preparing a lot of things for Mums on the Go so that if I give birth tomorrow I won't be leaving Calli in the lurch with extra responsibilities.
It means I am stepping back from every day operational responsibilities for a while.
It means that from today I need to consciously slow down the pace of my life a bit.
As this business also feels like a baby to me I can't totally switch off ... I know there are LOTS of useful things I can be working on. So I will be spending a couple of hours every day working on more project related tasks that can be dropped in the blink of an eye if needed.

This had me thinking today that being a Mum is very much like being a business owner:

as a Mum the concept of maternity leave is redundant ... my toddler doesn't care that I am really tired and would love to be taking a nap at lunchtime when she is refusing to have her sleep!
Mums rarely get sick leave ... you have to be REALLY REALLY (almost dead) sick first - much like a business owner
Public holidays don't mean a thing
You never just operate 9-5
you spend a lot of time negotiating
and we are really passionate and proud of what we do!

So where are my musings leading me? Simply to say that as Mums we have a really important "job" which we can sometimes forget to value enough within ourselves. Take some time out today to acknowledge yourself being an amazing woman and an amazing Mum ... because when we are so busy "doing the job" we can lose sight of this.

Linda x

lost in my thoughts by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
27 Sep 2010 | 2 Comments

I confessed on facebook last week about how I just don't enjoy picnics.

Thanks to lots of you, I realised I was making a lot of work for myself unneccesarily.

So on Sunday, we went on a family picnic. And I was very intent on my preparation being the same as it would be if we were going to have lunch at home.

To the point where I eshewed the picnic basket and used my reusable bags I take to do the groceries.

And the uppacking upon our arrival home was much easier, too. So that part worked really well.....

But there was still a problem.

I still didnt really enjoy it that much.

There could have been several reasons:

1. Our youngest daughter spilt her drink all over me moments after we arrived leaving me soggy & sticky for the remainder of the picnic.

2. I chose the spot specifically for its " sydney harbour tidal pool", but the pool was closed. (resulting in every couple of minutes being asked "why is it closed? Why is there a lock? whcy can't we go swimming? )

3. The toilets were about 200 metres away from our lunch spot next to the closed pool

4. The play ground was about 300 metres away from our lunch spot, meaning we had to pack up after eating and amble across rather than do both simultaneously.

5. I remembered I'm just not a outdoors adventurer type ( do you remember that song from the Lemonheads in the 90s - I lied about being the outdoors type? That's me.)

Although they were all individually and collectively annoying, they weren't the reason why I didnt really enjoy myself.

I realised something important:

I'm not very good at being aimless.

I forgot to pack the papers, my book or laptop. So I found myself left with my thoughts.

Thinking about all the items on my to do list for work the next day; thinking about how I had to hang out more washing when I returned home, put new sheets on all the beds, and wondering if I would have time/ the opportunity to vacuum and mop the floors that evening.

These thoughts made me restless, so I then wanted to occupy myself so I would be absorbed in something else.

But we were having a nice quiet relaxing picnic. There wasnt that much around to distract my thoughts

I looked around at my family - they were having a mavellous time mucking about doing nothing.

But I really struggled.

And the irony is that in the facebook conversation last week, Angela mentioned this is precisely what she enjoyed about picnics, and I thought it would be a marvellous opportunity to just be "in the moment" without any domestic obligations surrounding me, or the temptation to do a couple of minutes work at the laptop.

The experience got me thinking. It reminded me of Lind'a blog about asking for help, and I was wondering if this something peculiar to me? Or is it a symptom of our busy lives that we are lost when we dont have a focus?

What are you like when you dont have something significant to occupy yourself? Do you enjoy being lost in the moment with your kids? Can you play blocks/ dolls house, cars for hours on end with your kids with no worries about what else needs to be done?

If you can, please let me in on the secret

Calli x

Mum-power... use it or lose it? by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
13 Sep 2010 | 0 Comments

Last weekend, we were thrilled to receive so many emails from our community alerting us to the Sydney Morning Herald's 'review' of a number of child friendly cafes/pubs/restaurants.

Thanks so much to every single one of you who sent us an email - we had missed it, and a couple of the businesses reveiwed weren't in our directory.

During the same week, I wrote an article about Elizabeth Farrelly's definition of motherhood balance - guilty if you do, guilty, if you dont. Her piece was inspired by a new book that documents working mothers are the largest and fastest growing segment of the economy - both in the workforce and their consumer spending.

Did you digest that?

Largest and fastest growing.

In the world.

Yes, that means bigger than China's ecomony.

And smart businesses are taking notice and providing elements to make our lives easier. (And our directory makes it easier for you to find each other!)

So why am i writing this?

Because I know many of you are struggling. Motherhood isn't what you antipicated it to be.

I for one didnt have the forethought to realise I would drown in laundry every week, that the loss of independence and identity would be felt so keenly. The New York times article has started a meme across Amercia - "I love my kids but I hate my life." Now that might be a bit strong for you (it is for me), but I'm sure every single one of us at least once has thought "This isnt what I thought I signed up for."

As we are all individuals, we all have our individual battles. Many of my close friends wrestle with cooking dinner every night. That's not an issue for me, but I can understand the sense of burden (and boredom). For me it is the laundry (you probably knew that already!!!)

I was pleasantly surprised to read a fantastic article in the Sunday Magazine by Katherine Chatfield dealing with these issues in a sensitive, compassionate, non-judghemental and most importantly - non-divisive way. Three cheers for Katherine. I'm personally sick and tired of articles wedging us mothers apart. Here is a PDF of the article Katherine kindly sent us (i strongly recommend reading it)

Parenting.pdf

For those of you who dont really relate to my rantings, and immerse yourself in domesticity with adandon and relish, I am really happy for you. You are very fortunate indeed. Can you let me in on the secret?

But I digress. The point I'm trying to make is we have power. It might not feel like it when we are grappling with sick children and feeling guilty at leaving work early for the third time in two weeks, but busiensses, marketers and researchers are calculating our worth.

However, I'm wondering if we really understand our importance and economic worth? My gut feeling is that we as a collective are so caught up in the juggling act of day to day living and worry about what we are neglecting, that we are not standing up and flexing our economic and workforce muscle.

I know making a stand or asking for help is difficult. Especially if others are inconvenienced. But in avoiding these situations are you honestly valuing your worth?

My great concern is that if we don't start using this power, we will be the ultimate losers. A kind of use it or lose it scenario.

Do you feel you understand and capitalise on your individual power?

Calli x

What gets in the way of asking for help? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
6 Sep 2010 | 0 Comments

I was hanging out at a local playground the other day with my daughter. Nearby was a small group of Mums chatting and I confess to a little eavesdropping ...

They were discussing how they felt about asking for help when they had newborn babies at home and whether or not it was any different now that they had or about to have their second babies.

As I listened I heard statements like:
•    I felt if I asked for help it was suggest I was failing
•    Asking for help would suggest I wasn't good enough
•    I didn't want to be a burden to anyone else
•    I really needed help but I just couldn't bring myself to ask for it

Can you relate to any of these feelings?

The one I relate to most myself is the one about ‘not being a burden’. As a person who has always been very independent and self sufficient I struggled as a new mum to realise that people in my life really didn’t mind supporting me when I needed it.

In my experience people actually LOVE to feel needed and helpful ... but they are NOT mind readers!!! Consider it a gift to allow people the opportunity to show their love for us by helping:
• let people know it is OK if they decline your request for help
• trust that you don't have to keep score when it comes to giving and receiving help ... what goes around comes around

What gets in the way for you when it comes to asking for help?

What new perspective would make it easier for you?

Linda x

Wanting it all - a simple equation? by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
30 Aug 2010 | 0 Comments

It's been bothering me for a while, but I just wasn't sure what it was. All I knew was that it didn't feel right.

Every time I heard a woman from an older generation say "You young women, you just want it all - the big house (with corresponding big mortgage), the fancy cars, the hot shot careers. In my day, we were happy to settle for hand- me- downs and second hand goods. But not you."

Until recently I thought they had a point - we do have more things - gagets, cars, modern conveniences, time saving devices. Many more Mums than ever before are juggling work/career as well as raising their kids, and many cite the need to pay off the mortgage as a reason for working.

But now I'm not so sure that it is a simple equation of wanting more "stuff" = more Mums in the workplace.

I actually think it is because they, who are now deriding us for how we live, expected more from us than they did from themselves. And that is why the comment bothers me. They act as if it has come as a complete surprise - and borders on being reproachful.

Many women in our parent's generation left school, found work in retail/secretarial, were married by 20, had children quickly and never returned to the work force in any meaningful capacity. The vast majority certainly didn't have "careers" as such - with the exception of school teachers and nurses.

But growing up, I felt that the girls at the co-ed public school I attended were expected to go to Uni every bit as much as the boys - and perversely, perhaps had a greater expectation to do so, as many of the boys were presumed to get apprenticeships in the coal mines.

Then when I completed my HSC at boarding school, it would have been practically treasonous to opt out of a University degree.

Afterall, the catch cry when we were teenagers was "Girls can do anything". They WANTED us to have more opportunities than were available to them, so we could have interesting and varied working lives. And now they accuse us of "wanting it all?"

The expectation of careers is so entrenched that I think women who choose to stay at home after kids and not return to a "career" now have to justify their choice every bit as much as "career mums".

I'm not wanting to start inter-generational war. But I do think that many of us Mums who struggle to find the right path for us as individuals, and for our families, should respond politely to the the diatribe about us "wanting it all" by asking this simple question in response "didn't you expect me/your daughter to take up the opportunities the women's liberation movement worked so hard to achieve? How would you be feeling if we turned to you after your struggle and said "Thanks but No thanks". Pity the next women who makes this remark in my presence!

Can you relate to what I've just said, or was my middle class experience not as universal as I imagine? I'd love to know what you feel are the expectations placed upon you.

And, if this blog has stirred you to think more about your life as a mother and an individual, as we have been discussing recently in our thesis on parenting and happiness and the comparison between life as a Mum now and in the 1950s the Sydney Opera House is hosting an afternoon where Anne Manne, author and journalist will be discussing modern day motherhood.

Hope you have a great week,

Love Calli x

Funny Mum lessons by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood
16 Aug 2010 | 0 Comments

We are often blogging about the serious, whether it be discussing issues such as children and happiness being contradictions, judging other mums, or mum-upmanship. But we all need a laugh every now and then, don't we? I love humour - my most adored friends have sharp wits, and I love particularly black, satirical TV shows such as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, or my new favourite, The Colbert Report. And when life gets a bit much, I channel a bit too authentically Edina from Absolutely Fabulous sans "sweetie darling" affectations and the La Croix wardrobe.

So I thought it is time we start sharing some of our Funny Mum experiences. I'd love for you to add yours, but here are mine to start us off.

Lesson's I've learned since becoming a Mum:

1. My child can chew on the toilet brush and not a) die or b) start instantly projectile vomiting.

2. Food bribery works

3. Spanish. From Dora of course. It has succeeded where a year of formal lessons at the Spanish club failed.

4. Other people's Poo and Vomit don't make me dry retch any more (Not sure if I'm proud of this?)

5. I can't watch a sad TV advertisement without blubbering like a broken-hearted teenager.

6. "Alone time" is driving in the car after dropping the kids off at family day care or on the way to picking them up. Toileting, showering and sleeping are all now "family" activities.

7. The ability to position my child during vomiting episodes to vomit onto my clothes rather than the carpet or rug. (Much easier to clean up)

8. Whoever came up with the recommendation that the maximum television viewing time for children is 2 hours per day obviously doesn't have kids. (or must have a Nanny, housekeeper and personal chef)

9. I can now put a nappy on any sized object, prone or squirming. In the dark. With one hand.

10. Every time I have looked at another parent and disapprovingly thought "I'll never do that with my children" ...I have.

I'd love to hear some of your funny lessons you've learned!

Hope you all have a great week

Love Calli x

Do you ever judge other Mums? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
9 Aug 2010 | 2 Comments

In the past week or so there has been a lot of discussion in the media, blogs, facebook and so on about perceptions of motherhood and judgments we make about it.
Calli wrote a fabulous blog last week talking about Mum-upmanship ... if you missed it I highly recommend reading it.

Do you ever judge other mums? I don't do it often but I would be lying if I said that I don't EVER pass judgement on another mum. I don't feel proud to say that but I am human and definitely not perfect.

One of the things I love about mums is how passionate we are about this role in our life and the choices we make. Unfortunately sometimes we are blinded the strength of how we feel about our own choices and beliefs and lose sight of the value in different choices for different mothers ... and that we need to maintain empathy and respect for mothers who take a different journey to us ... regardless of why.

I think it is really healthy to open up discussion between Mums about how we feel when we either make a judgement or feel we are being judged ... it is one of the things we feel strongly about facilitating here at Mums on the Go whether it be in blogs like this or our facebook page. The more we share the more we can understand and support the different experiences we all have as mothers and learn to let go of needing to be "right" when it comes to the choices we make.

As for me, the longer I have been a Mum the less I judge. The longer I have been a Mum the more I see how my words and actions impact the Mums that I connect to ... in part because I am so aware of how the words and action of others impact me. Having mindfulness at all times helps me to be open to all the views, experiences and choices that I encounter along the way and I celebrate how wonderful it is when Mums can find strength in supporting each other rather than strength in being "better" or "right" ...

Linda x

Mum-upmanship - perhaps Jacinta has done us all a favour? by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, A Mum's View
3 Aug 2010 | 4 Comments

Have you ever felt inadequate from a comment another mum has made about her child, or her mothering style?

Something along the lines of "My baby has slept through the night since she was 6 weeks old.... Yours doesn't? Have you got a routine?"

Or it could be something more prosaic like an inference "Wow, your baby is quite unsettled, I don't know if I could cope with a baby that cried so much."

There are so many facts and fallacies out there about motherhood and it is hard to distinguish them from each other - particularly when we all have so much ego invested.

Jacinta Tynan has - consciously or unconsciously made thousands of Mums feel inadequate since her article was published in the sun herald on Sunday.

According to her, being a Mum is a 'cinch" and she feels like many mums are just complete whingers.

The mummy blogosphere has been pretty caught up in the piece. Some of the comments, particularly from the mums on the go facebook page, have been really thoughtful and considered. I am so proud to be associated with a community that is so caring, compassionate and empathetic. Some, as you can expect have been vitriolic and personal. I dont think that is a reasonable way to deal with the issue. For the record, I am thrilled that Jacinta has had a smooth transition to motherhood. She is very fortunate, and I sincerely wish her continued bliss. However, I am disappointed that she has (intentionally or un-intentionally) trivialised the struggle that many women grapple with each and every day of being Mums. I believe she showed very little empathy or acknowledgement that mothering could be experienced differently to hers, and had a lack of compassion in the effect her comments would have on other mothers.

Jacinta is not alone in consciously or unconscioulsy making other mums feel inadequate. I think we have all come across a remark that has made us feel like we are deficient in some ways as mothers. (Perhaps even Jacinta?) I've coined a phrase for it - "Mum-upmanship" .

But I think Jacinta has done us all a favour by writing this piece - because it gives us an opportunity to analyse how it made us feel, and thereby give ourselves some skills at protecting ourselves in the future from feeling slighted by comments.

I interviewed the Mums on the Go resident Clinical Psychologist Dr Cal Paterson about how we can immunise ourselves from feeling hurt next time we are in a conversation with someone who is particpating in "Mum-upmanship"

q: what is mum-upmanship?

a: a mum (or dad) casually broadcasting in conversation, on facebook, or via some other medium, information about her or her kids that is consciously or unconsciously designed to position herself as superior to other mums.

q: what's wrong with it?

a: Being a mum is tough. Mums need other mums for support. Mums need to stick together and help each other out as best they can. Mum-upmanship is harmful to other mums because it takes someone who is already doing her best, and makes her feel that she's still not good enough. A mum who positions herself above other mums (even unintentionally) is playing an 'every-mum-for-herself' game that drives wedges between mums who should all be on the same team.

q: is it common?

a: That's hard to say. Most mums can recall at least one experience of mum-upmanship, either by another mum at mother's group, or (perhaps worst of all) by a mum from the generation above.

q: why does it happen?

a: I think it's like a chain reaction. One mum feels inadequate, perhaps after a snide remark from a mother-in-law, and then finds herself passing on the favour next time she's at mother's group. Perhaps it's also got something to do with isolation: mums who already feel they've no-one on their side might already feel resentful about other mums who seem more connected.

q: what can we do about it?

a: Well, first and foremost, two wrongs don't make a right. If you feel alone or resentful toward other mums, you're better off reaching out to them than you are trying to bring them down to size. Mums have to stick together, right? There's no shame in struggle, no matter what the tampon ads say. They should be able to share their struggles, rather than suffer in silence, or try to push other mums, the ones who are in the best position to empathise, away.

****

So our advice to mums out there: if you're feeling isolated, reach out. We want to hear from you. What's your view of mum-upmanship?

i look forward to your comments,

Love Callix

Would you be happier as a 1950's housewife? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
26 Jul 2010 | 2 Comments

This week I read this blog post suggesting that we would be happier if we lived in the 1950's ... really????

As Calli's recent blog exploring the links and contradictions between happiness and parenting prompted much comment and reflection from our community I was bemused and somewhat shocked by the idea that I might be happier as a 1950's housewife!

I don't believe in a second that a mum/housewife in the 1950's was any more/less happy that I am in 2010. If women were so incredibly happy about their role in society/family life in the 1950's why has so much evolved and changed since then?

Am I happy with the juggle of parenting, running 2 businesses, being a loving and supportive wife, trying to find time and energy for my own personal needs and interests? Mostly I am.
Am I happy every moment of every day juggling these things? Not at all!
Is it a challenge? Every day!
Would I choose for it to be different? No way! As challenging as this juggle is it is still something I choose. I am really blessed and proud that I can choose this.

I think one of the things that bothers me about the comparison is the suggestion that our happiness is totally driven by our external circumstances. On some levels it is but I know within myself that my experience of "happiness" is largely driven by my perspectives and personal state of being. How I choose to view my day, my circumstances, and my challenges influences how "happy" I actually feel ...

All of this is simply my view on the world and does not make it "right" ... just mine. So what about you? Would you rather be a 1950's housewife? Would you be happier?

Linda x

Parenting and Happiness - the ultimate contradiction by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
13 Jul 2010 | 9 Comments

Last night when our entire house was kept awake FOR HOURS by our sleep-dodging youngest child, any remaining chance that we would have another baby was obliterated. My husband and I could not raise another child without inflicting some serious damage to our marriage, and our mental health.

Don't get me wrong. Becoming a mother was the best thing I have done with my life. But it is also the hardest. Not to mention the biggest challenge that our marriage has encountered.

The latest viral social media inspired topic Sydney Mums are discussing is an article published in New York Magazine. It is an incredibly forensic look at the relationship between parenting and happiness. You are probably not going to believe this, but the article cites research after research that indicates becoming a parent doesn't make you a happier individual. In fact, one study demonstrated that the more children you have, the unhappier your become.

We've discussed Australian research that backs this up. Mums are much less happier than dads, and Single Mums are the unhappiest.

I can't urge you strongly enough to read the article yourself - and make up your own mind. But here are the points that resonated with me:

* Today's Mums spend more time with their children than what Mums did in 1975 & they still think they are not spending enough time with their kids.

* Married Mothers have less leisure time than ever before

* Over 70 per cent of mothers crave more time for themselves

* " Marital satisfaction" declines after the onset of parenting. (One study showed that 40% of marital arguments were about their kids)

* The wealthier parents are, and the more access they have to child care correlates to overall feeling that parenting is unfulfilling.

* Today's Mums are comparing their parenting style to other Mums around them, which in turns places pressure on themselves.

Before I am castigated for raising the possibility that parenting can be corrosive, I have left the good news until last. There may not be as much joy day-to-day in being a parent, (Before you protest think about how happy doing the Laundry and Toilet training makes you!) However parenting is a rewarding pursuit and gives purpose to our lives. And according to Martin Seligman who pioneered positive psychology, they are more important than being happy.

So I've come away from this article feeling kind of liberated.

Until now I have felt an unspoken pressure to enjoy and embrace EVERY aspect of being a mother - from the 10 loads of weekly washing, to the hours spent at the park pushing a swing. And I have also felt that if I had admitted publicly to feeling numb from the banality of some conversations (with other Mums) I would be ostracized high-school style.

After reading this article, I feel like it's OK to admit that being a mother has come at some considerable cost to me as an individual (especially the loss of freedom) and to my marriage - sex is less spontaneous than it used to be, but hey, at least we're doin' it!

I know that in tonight's early hours when our toddler is wanting to party instead of sleep, I won't be feeling very happy. Especially as it will probably mean I have to forgo my run in the morning as a consequence. But I will feel a sense of purpose because my husband and I are working as a team to set some loving, considered boundaries for our child.

So I'm wondering if we just shouldn't think of parenting as something that brings us happiness. Let's just kiss that concept goodbye. I feel secure in my attachment with my children to freely admit that, most minutes of the day I am not joyously happy. But the purpose of my life and the love I feel for my kids? That is so great that words escape me.

Calli x

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the New York Magazine article Why Parents Hate Parenting, and indeed on my own confessions.

Oh Baby! by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Working Mums, The Mums on the Go Journey
1 Jun 2010 | 4 Comments

Mums on the Go is excited to share with you we have a baby on the way ... well, more precisely I have a baby on the way!

It seems only fitting that as this website expands and grows so will my family (and my belly!). That my personal need to find child-friendly business will increase ensuring I never lose focus on how to add more value to other mums using this site.

I also find myself asking the same questions working mums across the country ponder ... how will I blend my values and commitments as a mum with my values and commitments to my work? What choices do I have? What solutions exist to help me create the balance I want?

I feel excited by these choices, yet at the same time a level of internal conflict. I feel blessed to run a business that is so supportive of having children and being both a mum and a business woman ... and I feel blessed to have a business partner who supports this too. My internal conflict arises when I try to "how" I will have the best of both worlds ... how will I honour all my responsibilities in a way that feels good ... can I?

I know in coming months I will gain a lot of the clarity that is currently missing so I don't feel too concerned. Still wouldn't it be nice to have a magic wand?

I know I am not the first mum to feel like this and I won't be last! Do you have a story to share with me?

Can you relate to these feelings and how did you navigate this part of your journey?

Linda x

For those Mums reading this - Happy Mother's Day! by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood
9 May 2010 | 8 Comments

For those Mums reading this - Happy Mother's Day!
Did you feel appreciated, valued and loved today?
We decided to launch Mums on the Go on this very special day because one of our philosophies is to encourage and enable mums to value their own needs as much as their children’s. And Mother's Day is a day where Mums are recognised and valued.
But how often do you feel valued? Just today and your Birthday? And whose responsibility is it to make you feel valued? Do you value your own needs? Or do you fulfil everyone’s needs in the family except your own?
How often have you said "I'd love to go to the hairdressers but I don’t have time these days with the kids" or looked enviously at someone who has just had a pedicure and thought "They've got time to pay attention to their appearance, they don't have kids." Or even worse, had a judgemental thought about a mum who spends time on her appearance? Sometimes I feel we use our children as an excuse to neglect ourselves. That it is somehow shameful to pay attention to ourselves and spend valuable time and money on things that make us feel special. And valued. How did we get to the place where self-value came at the expense of meeting our children's needs?
You teach your children about respect, love & consideration. You demonstrate these principles in the way you treat them. Do you also demonstrate self-value?
So as warm and fuzzy as we are, Mums on the Go is also about saying to Mums that we all are responsible for valuing our own needs. How can we expect those around us to respect and value us if we don't value and respect ourselves?

Calli x

International Women's Day - caring for those around you by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood
7 Mar 2010 | 0 Comments

You may have heard via the media that today (Monday March 8) is International Women's Day. I know I should be using it as an excuse to wax lyrical about how wonderful women are, and how Linda and I are starting a business to primarily assist women and be a supportive place for women, and I'm going to a couple of networking functions this week to celebrate it, but I have to be honest: I just couldn't feel all that connected to the concept. So I did a search and one sole news item made me realise why celebrating women's contributions to society is important. I will include a link, but the essence of the article is that in Haiti, a number of relief organisations are handing out food to only women believing that they will get the food to those who need it most.

Amazing. To all you women out there who, in your own way, are providing and caring for those around you, take a moment to acknowledge yourself. Happy International Women's Day.