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My Happiness Challenge by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
28 Mar 2012 | 0 Comments

On Monday 19th March I started a 7 Day Happiness Challenge as part of my involvement with the Happiness Inspires Happiness project. My theory was that if I made a conscious effort to do something every day that made me feel happy, really happy, then that would have some form of flow on effect to my family as well.

I admit I found it challenging on some days to actually keep my commitment, My husband was interstate for 5 days last week so I was on solo parenting most of the week which meant my already bust schedule was even busier. Then again, perhaps the best time to take on the challenge!

So what sort of things did I do each day that made me feel happy?

Day 1

I discovered the local Woolworths makes fresh Jam Donuts now and I love Jam Donuts. It is probably a year since I ate one so I decided that would make the perfect afternoon sneaky treat, it was going to be a long day with hubby interstate.
With hubby away I also too the opportunity to jump into bed at 8.30pm to watch some trashy TV. TV in bed felt like a treat

Day 2

There was a meeting that evening at Miss 3.5 childcare centre. My Dad came down late in the day to stay the night so I could go to it and leave girls at home. I confess I parked around the corner from my house on the way home and read a couple of chapters of my book (which I was loving) ... shhh, don't tell anyone I didn't come straight home

Day 3

My plan was to watch a chick flick once I had the girls in bed. With hubby away I thought it would be a lovely thing to do for myself. Instead I had a really crappy night getting the kids to sleep and when I finally succeeded at 9pm I was too tired and cross to sit down and watch a movie. So I just cleaned up the dishes, had my shower and went to bed. So, today I actually didn't do a thing that made me feel happy

Day 4

This was a child-free work day for me. Normally I eat lunch at my desk and work like a mad woman all day. Today I treated myself to a lunch break ... 20 min lying on my bed reading my book that I was so engrossed in.
Hubby got home at 10pm from his work trip :)

Day 5

Normally this would be a child-free work day for me, however the first half of my day was spent at RPA. I had my 20 week ultrasound scheduled and an appointment at the Birth Centre. The ultrasound took several hours thanks to a baby being very uncooperative about rolling over for important views. Of course seeing my little baby made me very happy but as this was a planned appointment I didn't think it should count as my action for the Happiness Challenge. Instead, my husband and I went for lunch afterwards at a cafe I have been wanting to visit. Sitting outside in the sunshine, enjoying a coffee and yummy food got a big tick for happiness! This was a pretty big thing for us to do as we both desperately needed to get home and actually get some work done for the day ...

Day 6 & 7

These days happen to coincide with my wedding anniversary where for the first time in 2 years I was getting a night away from being "Mum" so there was no shortage things I did in these 26 hours that made me happy.

Reading the paper in the sunshine while hubby went off for a paddle
A quick swim in the harbour
An afternoon nap
A lovely dinner with my husband
A SLEEP IN!!!!!! 8.45am .... wow :)

So that was how my Happiness Challenge unfolded. Now the all important question ... what difference (if any) did it make to my family life?

I think I would like t try this again sometime when my husband is actually at home for the week ... I am curious what difference (if any) it would make to our relationship during the week
I definitely feel that focusing more on myself helped me be a "nicer" Mum over the 5 days I was the solo parent
I really enjoyed treating myself but did experience some internal conflict if my activity was going to take up time, after all my "to do" list in life and business is a bit out of control at the moment
This exercise reminded me it doesn't have to be hard or time consuming to look after myself a little better

What about you? Did you join me for the Happiness Challenge? Would you like to give one a go?

Feel free to post your experiences below - I would love to hear about them

Linda x

A Child-Free night away at Q Station by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Relationships
26 Mar 2012 | 0 Comments

It has been 2 years since my husband and I have had a night away together and 2 years since I had 24 hours without a child in tow. For my wedding anniversary on the weekend I asked my Dad if he would come to Sydney and look after our girls overnight ... starting at 11am Saturday! He said yes :)

Needless to say it was amazing for my husband and I to have a whole 24 hours just to be together, do grown up things and operate on our timetable not the kids. Oh, and an unbroken night's sleep ... priceless!

How did we spend the 24 hours?

early lunch in a Mosman cafe ... coffee was good but food average. A good way to start slowing down
a gloriously sunny day was perfect for a stop at Little Manly beach. Discovered a child-friendly Kiosk there which I will add to the directory ... wished we had just come here for our lunch ... never mind. My husband went out for a paddle on his OC1 while I lay on the grass with the newspaper. When did I last get to read the Saturday paper? what a treat!
The off to Q Station where I had booked us in for the night. It isn't cheap but room rates improve a few weeks out if you are willing to take a punt on availability and book at last minute.
Our room turned out to have a lovely outlook through the trees, with glimpses of the harbour sparking in the sunlight. Interior of room was nicely done, my only complaint was the bed size, it was meant to be Queen size but looked like a Double (?) felt pretty squashy as we have a King Size at home and I currently have a whole lot of pillows in bed to make sleeping with a pregnant belly comfortable.
Q Station is the old Quarantine Station in Sydney so we really enjoyed taking a walk around the site and exploring the old buildings. There is a lovely beach at the bottom of the hill which tempted me in for a swim (hubbies turn to read the paper on the beach). The water was so warm and clean, I wish I had packed my snorkel.
After a lazy walk back up the hill it was time for a shower and a nap ... after all my day had begun at 4.30am thanks to my husband forgetting to put a nappy on Miss 3.5 the night before.
Refreshed we set off down the hill (250 steps) to the Boilerhouse Restaurant for dinner. There is a shuttle bus that does loops of the site if you don't want to walk around. I just wore my thongs and changed into my heels at the bottom of the steps! We had booked a 6.30pm dinner so we could see the sunset and because I am so used to eating at 5pm I didn't think In would last longer than that - LOL. The food was lovely and service good. Such a treat to go out for a really nice meal together. (note: they had highchairs if you were ever going with kids)
A slow walk back up the 250 steps in my thongs. There was a "rest seat" 2/3 of the way up ... perfect for the out of breath pregnant woman! We decided to stop by the Games Room at the top of the hill for a few games of Pool together. I don't think I have played for about 10 years so it was a lot of fun.
Lights out by 10pm ... what party animals we are! When I woke in the morning the room was still very dark (thanks to thick curtains) but I could see a crack of sunlight peeping through. I turned on my phone to check the time (there was no clock in the room) and couldn't believe it was 8.45am!!! priceless
Buffet breakfast, a bit more of an explore around the site and it was time to check out.

Would I recommend Q Station to others? Absolutely ... especially for special occasions. It was a great standard of food and accommodation, felt like we were a million miles away although we weren't and I really enjoyed the historical experience too.

How did our girls go with 24 hours without us? Well, we got LOTS of kisses and cuddles when we got home but they had a fantastic time with their grandpa so don't think they missed us that much at all :) Hopefully it won't be another 2 years before we get to do something like that again.

Linda x

Will you join my Happiness Challenge? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
16 Mar 2012 | 2 Comments

As a Mum I really struggle to spend enough time looking after my own needs ... after all that was part of the motivation for creating Mums on the Go ... I know I am not the only one!

I was recently selected to write a blog as part of the Kids Business 'Happiness Inspires Happiness' project which provides me the perfect opportunity to make my own happiness more of a priority and to invite you to join my on a 7 DAY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE

How does the 7 DAY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE work?

Starting on Monday 19th March my aim is to do ONE THING EVERY DAY that makes ME HAPPY.

Now that may not sound very impressive but let me ask you ... do you currently do something EVERY DAY, just for yourself, that makes you feel really happy?

How would it feel if you did?

What difference might it make both to you and your family if you got to do more things that made you feel happy?

Starting on Monday I will be posting my Happiness action on Facebook and I invite you to add yours too. At the end of the week I will write a post sharing how the 7 Days went and how it changed (or didn't change) my experiences.

So ... will YOU join me?

Linda x

7 Days of Gratitude by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
8 Mar 2012 | 0 Comments

Following this post last week I was inspired to try out the practice of gratitude for 30 seconds each day. I decided to write them down to ensure I remained mindful of the practice and of course so I could share the experience with you.

As a Life Coach I have discussed gratitude with many clients and created gratitude practices with them as part of their self development … but I have never created a dedicated practice for my self.

So what was the experience like for me?

Here are some things I experienced:

Little things brought as much “lightness” as the deep and meaningful things
Some days it flowed easily other days it felt like “effort”
Often I didn’t spend 30 consecutive seconds focused on gratitude. Does this matter? I am not sure. I would think of something in the morning I felt grateful for, then later in the day something else would pop into my mind.
I felt more aware of when others in my life were focused on negativity. I wanted to ask them to focus on what they could feel gratitude for … but I didn’t
I sometimes worried about whether you might judge me for what I felt grateful for ... but I didn't change anything I wrote

Here is what I have been grateful for in the last 7 days:

Day 1: Today I am grateful for …

My health and my families health – this week there are many people in our world with serious health issues. I am so grateful that I have a healthy family

Day 2: Today I am grateful for …

The stash of homemade pesto in the freezer … too busy working today to think about cooking for the family
The stash of chocolate honeycomb in the back of fridge

Day 3: Today I am grateful for …

Pregnancy nausea … it tells me I have a thriving baby
Good coffee
Special friends flying in from Melbourne for the weekend

Day 4: Today I am grateful for …

Special friendship
Laughter

Day 5: Today I am grateful for …

Sunshine
My Dad’s generosity in time & love
My husband

Day 6: Today I am grateful for …

Yoga
A baby who loves her sleep

Day 7: Today I am grateful for …

A husband who cares so deeply about who he is as a parent
My ‘baby’ who is finally walking
Financial security

What are you grateful for today?

Linda x

Could you find gratitude in your darkest hour? by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View, Women who Inspire
29 Feb 2012 | 3 Comments

Last week I attended an event where the theme was 'Inspiring Happiness". I was honoured to be a recipient of Happiness Inspires Happiness program ... I will be setting up a 7 Day Happiness Challenge via Mums on the Go in the near future ... stay tuned.

There were some terrific guest speakers but the person who most impacted my was Lori, mother of 2, from Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum. She has a pretty gut wrenching story to tell ... On the 6th of January, 2011, one day after his birthday, her husband suffered a violent psychosis which resulted in him taking his own life. He hung himself in their backyard, in front of Lori and their 1 year old daughter. If you want to know more about Lori you can read her blog ... but I warn you, it is very powerful stuff ... Lori says it the way it is in her world. Have tissues on hand ...

There were many things that inspired me about Lori ... firstly her willingness to stand in front of a room of people and share her very personal and difficult story. Lori suffers from depression and anxiety and she spoke of the role Forgiveness, Gratitude & Mindfulness has played in her ability to get through the last 15 months.

I wanted to share a little of what she said about Gratitude, a daily practice she has held for around 10 years. Inspired by Oprah, Lori began a 30 second daily practice of reflecting on what she was grateful for each day. Big things, little things, trivial things ... it didn't really matter. She noticed over time she no longer had to "think" about the practice ... it would just happen ... every day. She found this practice helped her to feel happier no matter what other challenges were happening in her life. She joked that some days she felt a little "Pollyanna".

Then on the night her husband hung himself she found herself lying on a mattress on the floor of a friends house. As she lay there she heard herself think ... I am so grateful to not have to go home tonight, to have a friend who is here for me. I am grateful my children are with their grandparents tonight and safe. As she realised she was expressing gratitude in her darkest hour she felt like kicking herself ... it was ridiculous she thought in that moment.

Lori now talks about that moment and says she realised that if she could find Gratitude in that moment then she was going to be able to find gratitude in any moment and she moved forward from that terrible day. If she could find gratitude every day she knew that somehow she was going to be OK.

I have tried to put myself in Lori's shoes, I have wondered if I would be able to feel gratitude in that moment. I have also thought about how important it was that Lori already had her Gratitude practice so well ingrained in her life that it was simply there, in support, when she most needed it.

So, I have decided to try it out for the next 7 days ... take 30 seconds to reflect on what I feel grateful for. I think I will write it down.

Would you like to join me?

My 7 day exercise journal by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
13 Feb 2012 | 2 Comments

Last week I blogged about an article I read stating I "should" be getting 7 hours of exercise I a week. I would be lucky to get 2 hours a week and cannot even fathom 7 hours with 2 small children.

So I decided to log my exercise for 7 days and see how much exercise I really do get ... no secrets ... I am saying like it is!

MONDAY: Busy day with kids. My Dad came to visit today so he took them off to the park for a while so I could get on top of some work. I had planned to start my pre-natal yoga class tonight as I have ticked "12 week" box a few days ago but I had felt so sick all day (my ALL DAY pregnancy nausea is a killer) that I just couldn't face it. I did, however, take advantage of my Dad being with us by taking my husband for an evening stroll once kids were asleep. Does a "stroll" count as exercise? For me at the moment it does.

Total: 30 min

TUESDAY: Work day - basically sit at my computer all day. Does hanging out washing count as exercise? don't think so. I did go for a massage tonight ... first one in years. So I do earn some brownie points for self care.

Total: 0 min

WEDNESDAY: We have a family plan on the fridge to help us schedule in things that are important. Wednesday morning is marked as my morning to get up early and go for a swim. Since falling pregnant I haven't been once ... I just feel too ill. Maybe soon?

A 'mummy' day with both my girls. I take them both to swimming but I doubt the 30 minutes I spend in the pool with my baby counts as exercise for me. Feel pretty sick ... again ... no energy for walks to the park or jumping on the trampoline. I settle for building blocks and a board game with Miss 3.5.

We do take an afternoon walk to the supermarket at back all together. Again, I count this as a stroll but better than nothing

Total: 30 min

THURSDAY: Technically a work day but after spending 2.5 hours at the hospital getting NT scans done (baby in very uncooperative positions) not much time left for actually working. Feeling conscious that the week is ticking by and I "should" get some exercise ... hmmm

Total: 0 min

FRIDAY: Weather permitting Friday evening is "family walk" night to mark the start of the weekend. My husband leaves earlier for work in the morning and is home earlier in the evening. We usually walk to our local park so girls can have a short play on the swings etc before walking home ... round trip 45 minutes. Walk time 25 min

Total: 25 min

SATURDAY: bit of a job day at home.

Total: 0 min

SUNDAY: the sun was shining in Sydney (trust me this is rare at the moment!!) so we headed to the beach for the afternoon. I spent a lot of time walking with a heavy 14month old on my hip ... to and from car, along the beach to find a spot without a mountain of seaweed (result of storms yesterday), then back to other end of beach to swim in ocean pools because waves were too rough for the girls. Note to self - take the backpack for her next time. Then off course there was all the time playing in the water with the girls.

Total: 60 min ... maybe more

GRAND TOTAL: 2 hours & 25 minutes

Well, that total is hardly anything to be proud of but I guess it is better than nothing. I do hope in coming weeks when I feel less nauseous I will get into some better exercise patterns.

How about you? what would your weekly exercise diary look like?

I should do 7 hours of exercise a week - really?? by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
5 Feb 2012 | 4 Comments

Last week I received a glossy magazine from my health care fund. It was full of information, tips and advice on staying healthy and fit. One particular article caught my eye ... it told me I should be doing 7 hours of exercise per week ... 7 hours!!!

I don't know about you but I would be lucky to clock up 2 hours and those 2 hours would not be "high quality" exercise. Now I am the first to admit that I need more exercise than I actually get ... but 7 hours ... well, that feels down right unrealistic to me.

The article talks about clocking up these hours in bite sized pieces and that even 10 minutes of playing with your kids can count. I have to say that playing with my girls, at their young age, doesn't count as exercise in my books. A walk to the park - yes; but playing in our garden together is great for them but no real physical effort for me yet.

So for the next 7 days I am going to keep an exercise log which I will publicly share with you at the end. No secrets. I am not going to aim for 7 hours but I am going to see what a little extra focus on exercise, and some public accountability, can do.

Do you do 7 hours of exercise a week? Do you manage 2 hours?

How do you juggle it into your busy world?

Linda x

Am I Wonder Woman? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, The Mums on the Go Journey
16 Jan 2012 | 2 Comments

It was my birthday a few weeks ago.

A card arrived from my Dad with a picture of Wonder Woman on the front. This made me smile as Wonder Woman was my hero when I was about 5 years old ... I remember going to the Easter Show and getting a Wonder Woman showbag. I thought Wonder Woman was amazing ... she was strong, adventurous, fought for good not evil and had a great costume!

I opened the birthday card and inside was a message, part of which said "Graphic perhaps captures life for you in 2011 - hope 2012 provides more opportunity for relaxing and a slower pace"

2011 had certainly been a challenging year and contained very little "rest". It saw me with a newborn baby in Melbourne, my business partner decided to move on from Mums on the Go leaving me with a tough choice about continuing the business, I suffered depression, added Melbourne to the child-friendly directory and then at short notice discovered we were moving back to Sydney again ...

Am I Wonder Woman for getting through 2011 with a smile still on my face? No, I don't think so ... but I do hope I have captured some of Wonder Woman's determination, adventurous spirit, and energy!

Do I think 2012 will bring the the rest my Dad hopes it will? Not at all!!! I have more big plans for Mums on the Go and some new adventures to plan in my personal life. Hopefully 2012 will be less "bumpy" though ... that would be really nice.

Did you have a childhood hero? Can you still relate to them now that you are all grown up?

Linda x

10 articles on Post Natal Depression by Linda Anderson
in Post Natal Depression, Wellbeing for Mums
9 Jan 2012 | 0 Comments

In October 2010 Mums on the Go spent a month focussing on Post Natal Depression through blog posts and articles. As time has gone by and the number of articles published on the website has grown I felt concerned that these 10 very important articles were getting lost in the archives.
I have collected them here together to make them easier to find ... please share them with any Mum you know who may be suffering from PND or may just like to raise her own awareness on this issue that effects so many Mums.

Linda x

Mums on the Go - Shining a light on Perinatal & Post Natal Depression - by Calli Brown
This first article focuses on increasing awareness of Post Natal Depression symptoms, and we will be hearing from Prof Austin about how important it is that mother and baby stay together when Mums are receiving intensive treatment for PND.

Breast Feeding & Post Natal Depression - by Melissa Macdonald
If you're a breastfeeding mother, postpartum depression needs to be on your watch list. As scary as it sounds, it’s a reality for more mothers than we realise.

5 Things you REALLY need to know as a new mum - by Dr Mataji Kennedy
I see a number of women in my private practice who have moved from full-time work into full-time motherhood. Let’s face it, it’s a big transition and we aren’t always well prepared for it. Motherhood is joyous and it’s also hard work.

Post Natal Depression - My Top Five Tips for Sufferers - by Michelle Anderson
Having suffered from post natal depression (PND) with each of my three children I feel as though I have some worthwhile experiences to draw upon which might help others currently facing this illness – gee, there has to be something positive to come from it all!!

It's my second baby ... can I still get Post Natal Depression? - by Cathy Corcoran
So you’ve just had your second, maybe even third child and you feel so tearful, as though you’re not coping. You think to yourself, “I’m supposed to know what I’m doing here. I’ve had a child before. What is going on?”

Clinical Insight to Post Natal Depression - by Nick Petrovic
Transitioning into motherhood or having another baby can be the biggest life changing experience for many women, sometimes overwhelming and unknown.

Benefits of infant massage for mothers with postnatal depression - by Natalie Garmson
Approximately one in seven women in Australia will experience postnatal depression, or nearly sixteen percent of women who have given birth. Mothers with postnatal depression often have problems interacting with their baby; they may seem over intrusive toward their baby, often interfering with their baby’s activities, leading to the baby becoming passive and withdrawn.

We need to talk - how to help someone you suspect of having PND - by Calli Brown
This is the second article written after a visit to the Mother and Baby Unit, St John of God.

Hanging By A Thread...And I Was - by Dr Mataji Kennedy
I think as mums we are well prepared for the birth process. There is so much information and education around getting the baby “out”. But what happens when the baby is out. Then you need to be prepared for taking care of this little bundle and yourself.

Fathers are not immune from postnatal depression - by Nick Petrovic
Most people have heard of post natal depression and how it affects women, but it may come to you as a surprise that it can also affect men as well. Statistics indicate that one in every 14 men will experience depression throughout the antenatal and postnatal period.

What do you want 2012 to be? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
31 Dec 2011 | 0 Comments

So here we are on the last day of 2011, I suppose I should be writing about how to set amazing goals for the year to come or how to make resolutions that will last more than the coming week ... but I won't.

For me the new year is a wonderful time to reflect and re-energise but personally I prefer to create a vision or intention for the year to come that will in turn inspire the goals I set as my year unfolds. My vision becomes my measuring stick during the year and I love how unexpected some of the ways I fulfill my vision are.

What do I want my 2012 to be about?

Laughter: joy, free spirited, lightness
Adventure: travel, camping, new places, adrenalin
Friendships: old, new, rewarding, connection
Boldness: dream big, act big, be big
Tranquility: calm, centered, meditate, yoga
Family: love, support, connect, laughter

What about you ... what would you like your 2012 to be about?

Linda x

The struggle with fertility by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, Women who Inspire
19 Dec 2011 | 4 Comments

Last night I flicked on the TV and came across 60 minutes who were doing reruns of stories from 2011. There was an interview with Nicole Kidman. She spoke candidly about her struggle with fertility which I found refreshing and touching.

In my experience the emotions involved in a struggle with fertility are often not spoken openly about and yet more women than I think we realise are impacted. Nicole Kidman talks about "anyone that's been in the place of wanting another child, or wanting a child, knows the disappointment, the pain and the loss that you go through trying and struggling with fertility is such a big thing." If I hadn't gone through my own struggle I doubt I would really appreciate the significance of these words.

I am sure we all know people who have had a miscarriage, undergone IVF or taken a really long time to conceive but do you really know what that journey has been like emotionally for them? It is an uncomfortable topic, something that is hard to articulate when you are going through it and something people feel awkward asking about ... so conversation remains polite and matter of fact.

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks - I was devastated by this at the time. Then it took a further 12 months of actively "trying" before we conceived again. During this 12 months I felt as though I would never fall pregnant, never become a mother. I found it hard to talk about my emotions during this time as I didn't want to be "tiresome" to my friends but on the other hand it was such a significant part of my life that I needed to be open about it.

But I also wonder if this is just me ... perhaps there are groups of friends who do share very openly the pain involved when you struggle with fertility. I am really interested to hear from other on this.

I believe that our journey as mothers is easier when we can be truly open with others about our experiences, our good days and our bad. It is through openness and acceptance that we see we are not alone.

Linda x

All I want for Christmas is ... by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
11 Dec 2011 | 0 Comments

What is on your Christmas wish list?

Mine reads something like this:

1. A sleep in ... not not on Christmas Day itself, that would be totally unrealistic. I am thinking more on the lines of an IOU from my husband where he agrees to be 100% on morning duty. Wake up, breakfast kids, dress kids and put baby back down to sleep. Meanwhile I get to doze in bed, perhaps read my book ... ideally be brought a coffee but that is optional.

2. A new wallet ... this made an appearance on the list after my wallet was stolen from the stroller whilst Christmas shopping 10 days ago with 2 kids in tow

3. New (nice) underwear ... after finishing up with breastfeeding a couple of weeks ago I am looking forward to tossing the maternity bras I have been wearing for what seems like a lifetime. I can't wait to go and buy some new bras! I have actually suggested a DJ's gift voucher so I can hit the January sales.

On a side note, about buying new bras, I am always the kind of girl that goes for practical rather than gorgeous yet I secretly wish I went more for gorgeous. What about you? I can never justify spending too much money on bras so I go for a simple plain black, simple white and a good t-shirt bra. Dull.

I have been enjoying watching the new Bonds ad on TV, although I prefer it as full length shown below. It is a cute and quirky version of the 12 Days of Christmas with a Nick Cave sounding track. Although my bum has never looked that good in a pair of undies it still manages to make me feel that even I might look and feel good in some new Bonds underwear.

But I digress. As we hang the final decorations on our Christmas tree today ... I wonder what Santa will be bringing me this year ... have I been naughty or nice?

What is on your Christmas Wish list this year?

Linda x

It must be time I took a bath! by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
4 Dec 2011 | 2 Comments

Last Christmas my husband gave to me some lovely bath/pampering products which included some bath bombs ... a pack of 5 to be precise. I had a 4 week old baby (and a 2 year old) and we had just been through a very busy few months moving to Melbourne. This gift was his way of encouraging me to look after myself ... it was a really beautiful gift.

Now we have just moved back to Sydney and we are 3 weeks away from Christmas ... I still have 2 bath bombs left! This means in almost 12 months I have only taken 3 baths ... hmmmm ....

I really love a soak in a nice hot bath so why have I had so few? Well, I seem to recall that the few I did take were cut very short by a crying baby deciding that she didn't feel like sleeping after all so they lacked the relaxing vibe I was seeking. Then, I think I fell into the trap of looking at the bath, with the duck slip mat, the bag of bath toys and the baby seat and decided it was all too hard to pull it all out so I would jump under a shower instead.

For me this is more than just about how many baths I have had ... it is a reflection of how little time and energy I really invest in my own self care. I would like to see this change in 2012. I would like to see myself put my own needs above my family a little more often and I would like to be more committed to doing things that make me feel really good.

What about you? Do you have some simple self care things that are absent from life right now? What would it take to change this?

Love to hear from you :)

Linda x

Goodbye Little Black Dress by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
17 Oct 2011 | 3 Comments

Last week I had a watershed moment ... I let go of 2 sexy black dresses I have owned for about 12 years. Classic in style they would still be in fashion now but it was time to let go.

There was a charity bag dropped off at our house and due for collection. As we are about to move back to Sydney I thought it was a good opportunity for a basic clean out of cupboards. I threw in some shoes I really should never have bought, a few kids clothes still in good nick but not worth holding onto for Maddison and then I went to find a lovely linen dress I wore about 15 years ago but hasn't fitted me for a long time and to be honest is a little "young" for me these days. I opened the cupboard where the linen dress was hanging and right next to it were 2 sexy black dresses that I had forgotten I owned.

I looked briefly at them, fondly remembered the occasions I had worn them and then hastily shoved them into the charity bag. My chest felt tight and my heart was racing a little I observed ... what on earth was that about?

I realised that getting rid of these dresses was an admission that I was never actually going to fit into them again. And let's face it when was the last time I went anywhere that you could wear a little black dress?? LOL

On a logical level I have no problem with the way I look or the shape of my body. I am a mid 30's woman, with 2 small children who doesn't make enough time to exercise and indulges in a little too much red wine and chocolate right now. I am only carrying about 2kg more than I would like but it is not really the numbers on the scale that bother me ... it is the fact those 2kg seems to be all sitting on my wibbly wobbly tummy ... oh and a bit on my thighs too.

As my husband and I hope to have another baby one day I struggle with the motivation to shift those 2 kg as I know I will just undo it all again being pregnant ... one day. I have definitely found it harder after my second baby to lose the weight than I did with my first. Mostly because I have found it harder to get exercise. I have always imagined that once I finish having children I will get really fit again ... I hope that is true.

So if I can explain all of this so rationally why did I feel so upset as I jammed these dresses into a plastic bag. Because, all though I knew I would never wear these again I didn't actually like that or want to accept it. I would love to wave a magic wand and have the body I had in my early 20's and in some strange way part of me believes that I "should" or "could" ... which is silly because I won't.

Until that moment I hadn't really realised that I haven't accepted the "new me" or at least the "current me" ... the me that is still breastfeeding and wearing old maternity bras, the me that chooses to write another blog post instead of getting on the rowing machine, the me that enjoys a glass of red wine at night than focus on losing some weight.

Letting go of those dresses is like saying goodbye to a version of me that I liked and didn't want to let go of.

So now it is time to start enjoying all the wonderful things "this me" has to offer ... even if it does include some extra lumps and bumps.

How do you feel about your body after having kids? Love to hear your story too ...

Linda x

R U OK? by Linda Anderson
in Post Natal Depression, Wellbeing for Mums, Relationships
15 Sep 2011 | 2 Comments

Thursday 15 September, 2011 is R U OK? Day. It’s a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones.

Staying connected with others is crucial to our general health and wellbeing. Feeling isolated or hopeless can contribute to depression and other mental illnesses, which can ultimately result in suicide. Regular, meaningful conversations can protect those we know and love. One in five Australian adults will experience depression. It can occur without apparent cause and in people who have coped well with life’s ups and downs in the past.

Being a Mum brings us a huge spectrum of experiences and emotions. Huge love, frustrations, loneliness, joy, doubt, fun, boredom, overwhelm, fulfilment and so on. It is so important that we have people we can share openly with about how we are feeling … on the good days and the not good days.
Earlier in the year I was not OK but very few people around me realised because I am very good at acting OK. However, I know what a difference it would have made in my world if someone had popped in, or picked up the phone and just said “Are you OK … really OK?”

So please … today … pick up the phone or knock on the door or send an email to another Mum. Ask them “How are you today? How are you really today? R U OK” … it may mean more to them than you could ever imagine.

How are U today? R U OK?

Linda x

Is Mother Guilt a Social Taboo? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
11 Jul 2011 | 3 Comments

Mother Guilt.

Do you have it? Do you talk openly about the fact that you have it?

Recently there has been a lot of media coverage after one of Australia's most high-profile magazine editors, marie claire's Jackie Frank broke down on her new TV show, sharing her personal difficulties with the juggling act.

In a recent newspaper article about Mother Guilt I was appalled to read online comments such as:

"who cares.....they decided to have kids, their problem. STOP YOUR WHINGING"
"No one is forcing women to have children, then to dump them into childcare. 5 children and complaining, why have them if you have no intention of nurturing and loving them."
"Oh boo hoo. Choices, you made them, you live with them."
"You can tell my kids are home-raised because they are skinny unlike the childcare cage-raised and junk-food fed kids."

Why is it so bloody hard to empathise and respect the choices that mothers/families make about whether to work or not?

My husband gets "Daddy guilt" sometimes when he is travelling interstate for work and our toddler is crying on the phone because she is missing him ... but when he talks to his mates about finding the work travel tough because he hates being away from us nobody turns around and says "you chose to have kids ... stop whinging"!!

There must be mothers I know who experience Mother Guilt around the juggle of work and parenting BUT when I stop to think about it I actually don't know anyone who talks openly about their personal experience. Why? perhaps because Mothers fear being on the receiving end of harsh judgement and criticism like the above comments!

So is Mother Guilt a social taboo ... something we know exists but would prefer not to talk about?

Linda x

If it's not Post Natal Depression ... what is it? by Linda Anderson
in Post Natal Depression, Wellbeing for Mums
4 Jul 2011 | 4 Comments

Before Easter I took myself to the GP because I was finally ready to tell say to someone ... "I am not OK and I need some extra support".

For at least 8-10 weeks prior to that I had been questioning my emotional well-being but kept thinking things like "When Maddison sleeps through the night I will feel better" or "When I get used to running Mums on the Go alone I will feel better" - and those things would occur but I still would not feel better. However, instead of seeking help early I kept waiting for things to get better ... and then when I did start thinking about a visit to the GP I would say to myself "next time one of the kids are sick I'll make mention of it" - only problem with that is my kids almost never get sick enough to see a Dr.

Then one day I finally got sick of "waiting", I was sick of feeling so bloody awful, and so I went to see my GP.

So what exactly was I feeling? I find it quite hard to put into words but the best I can do is say I basically felt deeply sad/miserable all day, every day ... week in week out. No matter what nice or fun things might be happening around me I still felt desperately down. But because I am very good at putting on "a face" I was also very good at hiding this from everyone around me.
Feeling this deep sadness was confusing because I didn't know "why" and it also made me feel quite detached from my children and my husband.

I wondered if I had Post Natal Depression, I did some reading online and thought "maybe I do but maybe I don't?" - none the less I was no longer willing to feel like this and didn't know how to change it alone.

At the end of my appointment with the GP he asked me if I thought I was depressed and I paused before I said "I don't know, that is a pretty big label to give myself. What I can say is I am a woman with a young baby and a toddler, who is not coping emotionally and I am self aware enough to say I need some help. But if you look at the checklist in any PND brochure of the possible signs of PND ... if there are 8 listed I can strongly identify with 5 of them".
I didn't ask him if he thought I had Post Natal Depression, I think to be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted that to be the verdict.

A plan was set up for me to have some sessions with a clinical Psychologist. My first session was absolutely horrid. Within the first 5 minutes I felt totally judged by the psychologist, she didn't appear to actually listen to anything I wanted to say, decided I was "just exhausted" and spent the next 30 min talking AT me not actually having a conversation with me. I was stunned. So when she made mention of "our next appointment" I politely told her I would not be coming back to see her.

I cried all the way home. I realised that I had been so hopeful that that day was going to be the start of feeling better and I had left feeling even worse than before.

It took several week of asking for recommendations, making phone calls and so forth before I had another appointment with a new Psychologist but I am pleased to say I have found someone I connect well with, who doesn't make me feel judged and actually listens to me. I am pleased to say I am slowly but surely beginning to feel a little better and am sure that at some point not too far down the track I will feel like"ME" again.

The funny thing is that at no point has anyone said to me "You have PND" or "You don't have PND but what you're experiencing is XYZ".

So does it really matter? Well, yes and no.
Not having a label for my feelings and experience has actually made it harder to talk about with other people. I feel like it would be easier to share what I am going through if I could say to people "I have Post Natal Depression blah blah blah". I don't say that because I think I probably don't have Post Natal Depression but I have no other label to use. Somehow I feel that if this is not Post Natal Depression then people will not realise how significant this has been in my world, and my family.

So why have I shared all of this in my blog today? One of the core values of Mums on the Go is transparency and authenticity. I wanted to share so that if anyone else is wondering if they have Post Natal Depression and perhaps think that what they are experiencing is not "bad enough" to seek help or label as PND then perhaps you will still consider asking for help.

At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what the label is ... if you are questioning yourself about your own well-being that is the only reason you need to speak up. You know yourself better than anyone and no matter how big or small you think your experience is you still deserve to be supported.

We might be "supermums" but that doesn't mean we have to travel this path alone.

Linda x

When did you last have 24 hours without a child? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
6 Jun 2011 | 6 Comments

When did you last spend 24 hours without a child?

2 weeks ago I sent a text to a friend to tee up a play date for our toddlers who are best little friends. A text came back apologising that her daughter was staying at Grandma's house for the whole weekend ... 2 night, 3 days. My friend then proceeded to share how much she and her husband were enjoying their time together ... sleep in, afternoon movie and were preparing to head out to a party that night. I confess I was most envious of this carefree weekend ...

I then stopped to think about when I last spent 24 hours without a child ... the answer ... March 2010! I was utterly shocked by this, surely I had taken some timeout for myself since then??? Didn't I have a night away before Maddison was born last year? Nope - in amongst relocating cities, getting settled in, and running 2 businesses I realised I didn't even think about having a night away. THAT is what shocked me the most ... I hadn't even thought of it when it was actually possible ... and now with a 6 month old baby who won't take expressed milk from a bottle I won't be going anywhere without a child for quite sometime.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love being with them ... but even before I had kids I was known to disappear for weekends totally alone ... it is good for my soul. Somehow along the way I have stopped making this a priority.

As I sat in my lounge room, in shock, I thought about writing this blog ... and then I wondered if you were going to think me selfish, or perhaps unreasonable for having these feelings. Perhaps the last time you had 24 hours without a child was even longer ago than March 2010 and you are wondering what my problem is! Funny how I worry about being judged for my reflections about this ...

Is having a decent chunk of time "child free" important in your world? If so, how do you make it happen and does it happen often enough?

Linda x

When to Surrender by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
16 May 2011 | 0 Comments

I have been thinking a lot recently about the concept of "surrender". I think that we often view surrender as another word for "give up" and perhaps even "to fail".
However, the act of surrender if often a key step in the path to happiness and making progress towards a desired outcome.

Have you ever experienced a situation in life where the harder you tried to make something happen the harder the journey became? The harder you tried the more friction there appeared to be? This is a perfect time to practice surrender.

As I thought about how to describe what surrender means to me I found the following explanation online:

"You swim in water -- you go to the river and swim. What do you do? You trust water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost becomes one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If you are stiff and tense you will be drowned; if you are relaxed the river takes care.

Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either you can fight or you can float; either you can push the river and try to go against the current or you can float with the river and go wherever the river leads you." taken from www.sannyasworld.com

Sometimes we can't change the flow of life, no matter how hard we try ... this is not a reflection of our capabilities. Instead of fighting against the current of our life it is easier and more effective to flow with it. This does not mean "give up" though ... it simply means to trust the path you are on and be open to the possibilities that arise.

So how does this apply to me right now?

Well, my second daughter is almost 6 months old now and I had planned to start her in childcare 2 days a week from the start of June to allow me to resume coaching clients and have more time for growing Mums on the Go. This was what happened after the birth of my first child and it worked perfectly. There is just one hiccup ... Maddison is STILL refusing to drink from a bottle, even though it is expressed milk, so this means she is fully dependant on my presence during the day. I have been fighting with this for almost 3 months now, almost every day trying to get her to take a small drink with the bottle. Some days we seem to make progress but overall the result is still "NO BOTTLE".

In this past week I have finally come to a place of surrender ... it will just be what it will be, I can't make this happen any faster and I will just have to adjust my own professional expectations to match what is really happening.
Perhaps she will start taking a bottle soon. Perhaps she never will but in a few more months she may happily drink from a cup, or perhaps it will be another 6 months before I am free to coach clients again. It will just be what it will be and I need to start floating on my river instead of fighting it ...

What do you need to surrender to?

The Female Libido Fairy - fact or fiction? by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Relationships
9 May 2011 | 7 Comments

A few weeks ago I read a column in the Sunday Magazine by Mia Freedman that really made me laugh ... the kind of warm laughter that showed I related to the article and at the same time appreciated the mild 'tongue in cheek' used. The title of this article was "The Female Libido Fairy" - you can read the full article online.

If you don't have time to read the article the short version is that it is a amusing article which uses the metaphor of fairies to describe the frailty of many women's libido.
"Female libido fairies however, can be fragile creatures. Really, they should live in a bubble. Possibly bubble wrap. Or at the very least, a carefully controlled ecosystem where they can be protected from the infinite number of seemingly innocuous things that can kill them"

" Generally, female libido fairies have little in common with male libido fairies. This is probably because male libido fairies are not fairies, they are warriors. Almighty superhero warriors, who wear full body armour, wield light sabres and have magic powers of resilience capable of withstanding virtually any threat. Fatigue, anger, weight gain, hangovers, heartbreak, homelessness, Ebola, low self-esteem…they are immune even to kryptonite and gastro. Stress? Illness? Solitary confinement? Pah. Male libido warriors laugh in the face of such assailants and flick them off like lint."

It reminded me of a blog Calli wrote last year where she shared:
"Calli Brown has realised her husband is so much more sexually attractive on the days he folds the washing, hangs clothes out on the line, un-stacks the dishwasher - using his own initiative!!!!"

As I sat with my Sunday morning coffee, with milk vomit drying on my shoulder,chuckling away I wondered if I should share this article with my husband. Would he appreciate the humour? Would he take on board any new understanding of how my libido operates differently to his? Would he understand it was just a conversation starter not a finger pointer?

I did share it with him ... and he loved it so much he asked for the online link to share with his friends! This funny little metaphor about fairies has since become part of our household conversation ... did a fairy die today or were some created?

It is important to note that what kills a libido fairy will be different for everyone ... for example in my house my husband is really great at helping with chores and the kids so that is not a factor. For me it is more about the tiredness as I adjust to 2 kids under 3; and as much as I love breastfeeding my baby I confess that by the time both kids are in bed at night I enjoy a little bit of personal space ... time where my body is my own. I also know this will pass and the libido fairies will come out of hiding soon enough ...
Oh, and cups of tea definately not part of my fairy breeding program - a glass of red wine is much better!

I wonder if you can relate at all to this idea or if you are actually sitting there thinking ... "too much information thanks!"

Are libido fairies an endangered species at your house or do they breed with abundance?

Linda x

Meditation - finding focussed calm by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
28 Apr 2011 | 0 Comments

In recent months I have been using a type of meditation called "Yoga Nidra" to clear my mind and give me more energy whilst I juggle a new baby and work. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation so I listen to mine on my ipod. I have always been keen to try more traditional style of meditation so have been looking into some simple approaches.
I came across this article written by my friend, Kate James who is a business coach, speaker and writer.

I hope you enjoy!

Linda x

Meditation is the most effective way to achieve a state of focused calm that will help you to be most creative, effective and productive person you can be.

What do we mean by focused calm, and how do you know when you’re in that state?
As well as being free from anxiety, intolerance, boredom, frustration and depression, focused calm means you have clarity about what’s important.

You have a clear understanding about what you need to do next and the ability to take control of your racing thoughts. You respond to things rather than reacting; you’re attentive in conversations and you have the ability to focus on the task at hand. You’re more creative, your memory is better and it takes a lot more for people to push your buttons.

Focused calm helps you to leave work at work and find a sense of stillness without needing to take two weeks’ holiday.

Of all the things you can do to create this state, meditation is by far the best. It’s not an instant fix so you’ll need to stick at it for at least three weeks to really feel the benefit, and then make the practice a part of your life. But from my personal experience, it’s well worth it.

A simple meditation practice
In an ideal world, you should practice meditation for 20 minutes, twice a day, every day. The reality is that most of us aren’t going to make that much time available. So begin by doing whatever you can. Even 10 minutes daily is enough to get started.

→ Find a quiet place to practise - it’s fine to sit at your desk or in your car – all you need is a place to sit comfortably where you won’t be disturbed.

→ Take the phone off the hook and have a watch or clock nearby so that you can check the time during your meditation.

Meditation uses an object of focus to help still the mind. A simple way to begin is to use a ‘mantra’ as your object of focus. The word ‘release’ is a good mantra to start with. Later you might like to explore more traditional Sanskrit mantras, but for now, the word ‘release’ will be fine.

→ Begin by closing your eyes and taking at least five slow, deep breaths, breathing in to the count of five; holding for the count of five and breathing out to the count of five. With each inward breath allow yourself to feel a sense of calm.

→ Let your shoulders drop and allow your body to begin to relax. With your outward breath, let go of any frustration and tension.

→ Breathe out any anger, fear, worry and any thoughts about work. This is the most challenging part for all meditators so don’t be put off if thoughts keep popping into your mind – this is completely normal.

Once your breathing has slowed, allow your mantra to come into your mind, not actively thinking about the meaning of the word.

→ Let go of any concerns that may arise about whether you are meditating properly. Try not to think about what meditation is supposed to feel like, simply allow the mantra to rise to your mind’s surface, clearing away other thoughts as it does.

The intention is not to seek ‘nothingness’ or a blank mind. When your mind begins to wander, gently direct it back to your mantra. When you’re distracted by something (such as a noise), ignore it and again, return your thoughts to your mantra.

It’s completely natural for your mind to wander so don’t judge yourself throughout your meditation. This is one thing you don’t need to be good at – just making the time to sit and focus on your meditation practice will benefit you.

When you know that 20 minutes is up (it’s ok to check a clock but best not to set an alarm), open your eyes and remain seated for a few minutes longer to allow your body and mind to return to alertness before returning to your normal activities. And remember…the real benefits of meditation will be felt after you’ve practiced for a few weeks, so don’t give up too quickly.

Summary
→ Find a quiet place to sit where you won’t be interrupted
→ Listen to your breathing and relax with each breath
→ Hear your mantra repeated in your mind
→ When your thoughts distract you, let them go and return your focus to your meditation
→ Don’t worry if you’re doing it right
→ Aim to meditate for twenty minutes, checking the time on a watch or clock
→ Take your time coming out of your meditation
→ Sit quietly at the completion of your meditation before resuming your activities

Kate James is a business coach, speaker and writer. She works with creative people in business to help them clarify their direction and feel confident of achieving their personal and professional objectives.

She also teaches a mainstream form of meditation and has a range of relaxation MP3s to download from www.totalbalance.com.au.

Is child-friendly hard to find? by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Child Friendly Experiences
18 Apr 2011 | 0 Comments

I recently decided it was time to get serious about my fitness and jumped online to find a child-friendly personal training group in my area.

In July last year I moved to Melbourne and I live in a suburb that is:
a) very outdoor/fitness orientated ... everyone seems to run, cycle, go to the gym etc
b) full of beautiful parks and the beach ... great for outdoor training
c) and over flowing with small children and therefore Mums who probably want to get fit

I assumed it would be really easy to find something to meet my needs ... I was wrong! I cannot tell you how long I spent trawling Google for suitable businesses. There were so few options in the general area that I quickly reduced the list to zero once I deleted the ones that required me to show up 5 days a week (really? with my kids?); or only trained on the days I have both girls at home; or were walking groups only.

I was so surprised at how hard it was to find a child-friendly fitness option that wasn't about joining the gym and then using their creche facilities. I wonder if there are businesses that exist but don't have an effective online presence or is there a market opportunity waiting to be filled?

So this got me thinking about what other services do Mums REALLY want to use but can't because they cant find a child-friendly option?

Is there something you have searched for but couldn't find?

Linda x

Turning Dreams into Reality by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Helpful Hints, Relationships
14 Mar 2011 | 0 Comments

My husband and I shared the dream of traveling to Nepal for 5 years before we actually made it come true. You might be wondering why it took us this long? Well, we had other dreams which we decided to turn into goals and achieve first.

For example our dream to travel around the world for 365 days without having to work, we had a dream to buy a house together, we had a dream to get married. All of these dreams became reality.

What was REALLY important during these 5 years was that we kept our dream of traveling to Nepal "alive". It was essential to keep refreshing the dream, plugging into it, to ensure it didn't fade into the background and become forgotten.

Have you ever had a dream that just seemed to fade away over time?
Dreams need to be kept on our radar and given some energy!

Here are some examples of things we did to keep our dream alive:
* we went to see the movie "Himalaya" which inspired us with amazing mountain scenery (this was our 2nd date together)
* we hired the DVD of "Himalaya" a couple of years later to reconnect to this
* we gave each other guide books on Nepal and Trekking as gifts
* we talked to our friends about sharing this dream with us
* we collected travel brochures and newspaper clippings
* we included traveling the world and climbing mountains together forever as part of our wedding vows

I have personally found it much more challenging to stay connected to my dreams after having children. For me this is caused by becoming consumed by the "busyness" involved in raising children. My husband and I recently made time to sit and discuss our dreams for the next few years to make sure we don't lose sight of them.

What dreams do you have right now?
* Write them down and then list one thing you can do to help keep those dreams alive.
* How do you turn one of those dreams into reality?
* Commit to it, make a plan and start taking action!

Remember - if you can dream you can do it!

Linda x

Time to get fit! by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
21 Feb 2011 | 3 Comments

My legs hurt ... my arms hurt ...
I am finally getting serious about some exercise 11 weeks after giving birth to my second baby. It has taken me a lot longer this time to find the energy and motivation to get fit again.

I was very inspired a few week ago to see Kim Clijsters win the Australian Open (tennis) and then go on to become Number 1 in the world again. Clijsters is Mum to Jada who turns 3 this month. I can only imagine the commitment and energy it takes for Clijsters to balance being a Mum and returning to an elite level of tennis. Gosh - I feel good for getting to 1 personal training session each week!!

I have been reflecting this week on what works for me and what doesn't when it comes to getting fit.

What doesn't work:

Exercising with both children in tow - I have tried taking both kids out walking in the stroller but my toddler really doesnt enjoy being in the stroller for more than 10min ... she prefers to walk. Great personal attribute but not helpful if I want the excercise
Prioritising work above exercise time - but I know I will often knock over some work instead of getting out for a walk

What does work:

Accountability - having to be somewhere at a set time each week for a work out. I have joined a Mums & Bubs training session at a local personal training studio. I am also setting up a weekly walk with another Mum.
Clear Goal each week - I like to start each week marking into my schedule how/when I will excercise. Not foolproof but it makes me much more likely to stick to the plan.
Flexibility - yes, I may have a swim in mind but when the sleep/feeding cycle doesn't fit I can go for a walk instead
Acceptance - sometimes I have lots of energy and motivation ... and sometimes I don't. That's the reality ... so rather than beating myself up on the days I am just too tired I practice acceptance because this too will pass ...

Do you manage to get regular exercise each week?
What works for you?

Linda x

The Value of Time Out by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
25 Jan 2011 | 3 Comments

I have always been a person who values time to myself. I like a little solitude sometimes, the ability to just "be" and not have to engage with the world. My friends used to think I was odd for occasionaly heading away for weekends alone ... that was before I had kids. Since having kids I still value time alone, it just takes a different shape ... going for a swim, sitting in a coffee shop with the weekend paper, even cooking dinner but with kids absent from the house.
Quite frankly I am a nicer/better person when I have regular time-out.

8 weeks ago today I gave birth to my second child and re-entered the phase of being a mother which is very high dependence.

In the past 8 weeks I have had a total of 70 minutes to myself without a child. At the 5 week mark my toddler was at daycare and my husband was at home. He offered to settle the baby so I could escape the house ... a quick drive to the shops to buy bread and much needed take-away coffee! 25 minutes return trip.

On Sunday, my husband offered to look after both kids so I could have a little time for myself. I fed the baby, put her to bed, threw on a pair of swimmers and made a mad dash to the bay. Had a quick swim, lay in the sun to dry off ... wished I could stay longer ... and made a mental note to ask for this to happen EVERY weekend as it was so refreshing for my soul. 45 minutes - all mine!
Returned home to find my husband had received baptism by fire ... baby didnt stay asleep and toddler threw an attention seeking tantrum. Oh well ...

Although I know how important it is for my personal well-being to have some time out I am also acutely aware that I am not really helping myself attain it. With a newborn baby I have found myself falling back into old habits of putting everyone else's needs before mine (not just the baby) and if my husband suggests ways of getting me out without the kids my intense tiredness tends to make all suggestions feel "too hard" so I say "no".

As the underlying value of Mums on the Go is to help mums value their own needs as much as their childrens it facinates me to observe my own personal struggle with this right now. It seems ironic that something I believe so strongly in can be so challenging right now to actually achieve. I know it will get easier in coming months. For now I commit to asking for an hour out each weekend to go and throw myself in the salty water of the Bay to help clear the cobwebs from my sleep deprived brain.

Linda x

The top 10 ways to be a 'good' parent by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, Helpful Hints
19 Dec 2010 | 0 Comments

Mums on the Go is all about Mums and their personal needs. We are not a parenting site. There are plenty of resources catering to parenting questions and concerns ....for example, Amazon has 40 thousand pareting guides. To put that in perspective, western world's other obsession - dieting, Amazon only has a 'slim' 16 thosuand books available.

A Mum is a parent, so at times it is hard to draw a clear distinction between the two. But Linda and I strongly believe that you will be a good/better parent by valuing your needs as much as you value your childrens. Most of us fall into the trap of neglecting our needs and putting ourselves last. And then we are reticent to ask for help.

I picked up a magazine this week and my interest was piqued by an article titled "What makes a good parent? A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly some dont even involve the kids."

The article appeared in 'Scientific American Mind'. basically the authors conducted a meta study where they compared many of the most popular pareting models with what parents actually did, and then compared these to their children's behaviour. The top 10 are:

1. Love and Affection - provide lots of this to your kids

2. Stress Management - you ensure your stress levels are at a minumum

3. Relationship Skills - you model a 'healthy' relationship with your co-parent whether you are together or separated/divorced.

4. Autonomy and Independence - you treat your child with respect and encourage them to be self sufficient

5. Education and learning - you promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child

6. Life Skills - you provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future

7. Behaviour management - make extensive use of positive reinforcement and use punishment ONLY when ALL other behaviour management tactics have failed

8. Health - you model healthy eating and regular exercise

9. Religion - you participate in spiritual activities

10. Safety - you take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of thei friends and activities.

So what does this mean? I believe it means that you need to value your needs in order to be a good parent. There is no excuse about not having time to look after yourself - be it a visit to a gym, a dietician or talk to someone about dealing with stress. because if you are serious about being a good/better parent, you need to ensure you are in a healthy space in your life.

Looking forward to the new year - can you think of a resolution from the list above where you can spend more time on yourself? I am going to try and encourage my kids to be more independent and autonomous. I kind of fall into a trap thinking I have to do EVERYTHING for them - even when they are old enough to do it for themselves (like gettting dressed).

I'd love to hear what inspiration you can get from the list. And your thoughts to the article itself.....

This is the last blog for the year. I am going to have 2 weeks off and try to recharge my creative juices.

Thanks for being part of the Mums on the Go Community this year - i look forward to seeing where 2011 takes us

I wish you a safe, enjoyable and relaxing festive season

love Calli

The burnt chop syndrome by Mums on the Go
in Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View, The Mums on the Go Journey
12 Dec 2010 | 2 Comments

Tis the time of year for a bit of introspection....

Linda and I would like to thank you for being part of the Mums on the Go Community.

It has been a year of great change and challenge.

We've seen our idea become a reality, and although that reality has had its bumps along the way, what keeps us going is that we are trying to make a positive difference in Mums lives.

Our very strong belief is that us Mums neglect our needs needlessly. We matyr ourselves thinking we are doing our family a favour. But are we doing the right thing by them?

One of our resident Clinical Psychologists, Dr Cal Paterson wrote on his blog this week about the "burnt chop syndrome". Basically, the theory goes that Mum, after slaving over cooking the dinner passes out the best part of the dinner to Dad and the kids and leaves herself the burnt chop.

We do this because we think we should be putting ourselves last.

But have you ever stopped to think about what this is engendering in your kids? The impact this behaviour is having on them - seeing and being part of you putting yourself last?

It is the beginnings of guilt. They feel guilty about getting the good stuff while you have slaved over dinner and then give yourself the dregs.

The solution?

A roster system

So, next time you feel "guilty" about wanting to spend some time on yourself, think about how long it has been since it was 'your turn'. Your kids and husband will thank you.

This will be the penultimate blog of the year, I will take some much needed time out for a week or two over Christmas and New year and try to recharge the creative juices. After next week's final blog (19th Dec) I will break for 2 weeks and then post again on 9 January 2011.

Again thanks to all of you who read our blog and visit the website. It would be very lonely without you !!!!

Lots of love Calli and Linda xxxx

The fear-factory of motherhood by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View, Relationships
5 Dec 2010 | 2 Comments

Four years ago today, at 35 weeks gestation, we were told by a very nice and gentle obstetrician, whom I had never met before, that our baby needed to come out into the world within the next 48 hours.

He thought the baby had shrunk over preceding two weeks. He diagnosed inter-uterine growth retardation and raised the possibility that our baby may have intellectual disabilities, because it hadn't been receiving enough nutrients to grow. The 18 week ultrasound picked up a problem, but my G.P didn't read the report, nor did he send it onto midwives at the birth centre, even though they had rung him several times and asked for all the paper work.

***

I've not really had much to do with kids before I had my own.

I'm an only child, and my mother is not what you would describe as 'child-friendly'.

Around the age of 20, I was diagnosed as having endometriosis and warned that conceiving could be difficult, if not impossible. So I planned a glittering career so I didn't have to try and fail.

I was so cut off from the whole 'mothering' instinct that I wasn't even interested in my closest friends children when they were born. I don't think I even held any of them. And if I did, it was because I felt obliged to.

***

"I dont think I can love a child with a disability"

That is all I could think.

Again and again.

And all I could feel was ashamed.

I knew it was wrong, but I was imagining how embarrassing it would be to explain to everyone, for the rest of my child's life, what kind of disability my child had. How I would always feel on the outer, different from all the perfect families around me.

Now I have kids I know that of course I would have loved my child if she had had a disability. I now understand the power of a mother's love. The unbreakable force. The all-encompassing all- consuming love a mother has for her child.

When Zali was born and whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care, it was a terrifying. She seemed so frail, yet was in a much better position than all the tiny bubs in the beeping electrified cribs around her. I knew how fortunate we were.

This was my introduction to motherhood.

And no-one, not even me, stopped to think about the repercussions this introduction would have on me.

Everyone was focussed on her. On how she looked (like an alien!) On how small she was. On how scared they felt when they saw her in the humidicrib.

But no-one turned to me and said 'wow, this must be scary for you.'

Until this morning.

Four years later, one of my favourite mummy friends commented that it must have been a terrifying experience. She said it was scary enough to have a perfectly healthy baby from a text-book standard pregnancy.

She's right.

If it had been my second child, I think I would have been much more secure in the whole love-conquers-all. Well, at least I would like to think that.

There are so many pithy one-liners about how kids don't come with an instruction manual. But not enough of us stop to think, really think, about what this actually means to a first time Mum. How scary it is when your child cries and you cant seem to sooth them. About the confusion you feel when they just won't sleep when and where you want them to. About how your body is not your own anymore. And then when it is, it droops and sags in places that it didn't before kids.

But four years and two gorgeous girls down the track, I can see the light. And I can offer myself support and comfort.

If you are feeling doubt, or fear about motherhood......You are normal.

And you are not alone.

Love Calli xxx

So...(awkward silence)...are you still in therapy? by Mums on the Go
in Post Natal Depression, Wellbeing for Mums
7 Nov 2010 | 3 Comments

Since my last blog a month or so ago about my own experiences of PND, and Linda's piece advacating the importance of talking about sensitive and highly personal issues, a number of friends have asked the same question: "Are you still in therapy"? *

They have asked in an almost apologetic tone, as if they are prying, because it is something that is completely unknown to them. So I thought If they are wondering, maybe you are too, and so this blog is devoted to explaining what my therapy is like.

To recap, I sought help from a clinical psychologist almost 18 months ago because I just was not coping anymore. Life wasn't enjoyable.

I got a referral from my GP, and spoke to a couple over the phone, and decided on mine because she was close to my home making it easy for me to go regularly, and I really liked the sound of her voice and the questions she asked me on the phone. I immediately felt (relatively) comfortable with her.

It was pure luck, because I was quite prepared to visit a few before I made a decision to stick with one person. I kind of felt like it was too important to spill my guts regularly to someone who I felt uncomfortable with.

You might think I am mad, but my one hour of therapy is my favourite time of the fortnight.

I feel understood, supported, nurtured, and valued. It is so wonderful to know that someone is there just for me. Not for me as a wife, or as a mother, just me. Calli.

At the end of each session, most of the time I come out of it feeling energized, clearer, and lighter. Why? Because I see the process as one of trying to understand why I am the person I am. And how i can learn to value myself and then behave differently when I'm with others.

But don't get me wrong, it took a looong time to trust her and really open up.

And longer still to really really care about the process and want to put the actual effort into changing many of my thoughts and behaviours.

For a while there general momentum and understanding made change come naturally - especially in regards to being a mother to the girls. That has been one of the most amazing aspects of therapy. I enjoy motherhood so much more, and I can see the difference it is making with the girls. It is truly remarkable.

There has been a cost though. (Not just financial!). I have had some tough conversations with people whom I love dearly and communicated to them that I can no longer inhabit our relationship in the way I have in the past.

Some of those conversations have not had "happy" endings. With some others, they keep trying to interact with me as if the conversation never happened, and then I have to be really disciplined and act the way I want to, not the way they want me to. With someother loved ones it hasnt been necessary to "have a chat" but I can sense that they can see that i have changed, and it is confusing for them.

So, sometimes being in therapy can result in hard work and struggle. and I am sorry for the hurt and confusion I have caused some loved ones in the process of me changing.

But I have come to realise I need to be true to myself. I need to stop being person they want me to be.

The bottom line for me is that I am a much calmer, confident, well adjusted person. I would like to think that I am, for the first time, being "authentically me". And it feels wonderful.

If you have any questions about therapy or would like to share your experiences, I'd love to hear them.

Calli x

* They then ask me "how much longer will you do it for"? (considering 18 months so far seems like a long time!) My answer - I honestly can see myself in therapy for at least the next 2 years, perhaps even more. And that, to me, is not a sign that I need more "fixing" , it is a sign that i love the process and am committed to ensuring it is given the time it needs to do its work.

lost in my thoughts by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
27 Sep 2010 | 2 Comments

I confessed on facebook last week about how I just don't enjoy picnics.

Thanks to lots of you, I realised I was making a lot of work for myself unneccesarily.

So on Sunday, we went on a family picnic. And I was very intent on my preparation being the same as it would be if we were going to have lunch at home.

To the point where I eshewed the picnic basket and used my reusable bags I take to do the groceries.

And the uppacking upon our arrival home was much easier, too. So that part worked really well.....

But there was still a problem.

I still didnt really enjoy it that much.

There could have been several reasons:

1. Our youngest daughter spilt her drink all over me moments after we arrived leaving me soggy & sticky for the remainder of the picnic.

2. I chose the spot specifically for its " sydney harbour tidal pool", but the pool was closed. (resulting in every couple of minutes being asked "why is it closed? Why is there a lock? whcy can't we go swimming? )

3. The toilets were about 200 metres away from our lunch spot next to the closed pool

4. The play ground was about 300 metres away from our lunch spot, meaning we had to pack up after eating and amble across rather than do both simultaneously.

5. I remembered I'm just not a outdoors adventurer type ( do you remember that song from the Lemonheads in the 90s - I lied about being the outdoors type? That's me.)

Although they were all individually and collectively annoying, they weren't the reason why I didnt really enjoy myself.

I realised something important:

I'm not very good at being aimless.

I forgot to pack the papers, my book or laptop. So I found myself left with my thoughts.

Thinking about all the items on my to do list for work the next day; thinking about how I had to hang out more washing when I returned home, put new sheets on all the beds, and wondering if I would have time/ the opportunity to vacuum and mop the floors that evening.

These thoughts made me restless, so I then wanted to occupy myself so I would be absorbed in something else.

But we were having a nice quiet relaxing picnic. There wasnt that much around to distract my thoughts

I looked around at my family - they were having a mavellous time mucking about doing nothing.

But I really struggled.

And the irony is that in the facebook conversation last week, Angela mentioned this is precisely what she enjoyed about picnics, and I thought it would be a marvellous opportunity to just be "in the moment" without any domestic obligations surrounding me, or the temptation to do a couple of minutes work at the laptop.

The experience got me thinking. It reminded me of Lind'a blog about asking for help, and I was wondering if this something peculiar to me? Or is it a symptom of our busy lives that we are lost when we dont have a focus?

What are you like when you dont have something significant to occupy yourself? Do you enjoy being lost in the moment with your kids? Can you play blocks/ dolls house, cars for hours on end with your kids with no worries about what else needs to be done?

If you can, please let me in on the secret

Calli x

What gets in the way of asking for help? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
6 Sep 2010 | 0 Comments

I was hanging out at a local playground the other day with my daughter. Nearby was a small group of Mums chatting and I confess to a little eavesdropping ...

They were discussing how they felt about asking for help when they had newborn babies at home and whether or not it was any different now that they had or about to have their second babies.

As I listened I heard statements like:
•    I felt if I asked for help it was suggest I was failing
•    Asking for help would suggest I wasn't good enough
•    I didn't want to be a burden to anyone else
•    I really needed help but I just couldn't bring myself to ask for it

Can you relate to any of these feelings?

The one I relate to most myself is the one about ‘not being a burden’. As a person who has always been very independent and self sufficient I struggled as a new mum to realise that people in my life really didn’t mind supporting me when I needed it.

In my experience people actually LOVE to feel needed and helpful ... but they are NOT mind readers!!! Consider it a gift to allow people the opportunity to show their love for us by helping:
• let people know it is OK if they decline your request for help
• trust that you don't have to keep score when it comes to giving and receiving help ... what goes around comes around

What gets in the way for you when it comes to asking for help?

What new perspective would make it easier for you?

Linda x

When Parents need a holiday too! by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Relationships
23 Aug 2010 | 0 Comments

As I sit to write this blog I am looking out at the grey winter sky of Melbourne and dreaming of the warmth of North QLD ... we are days away for our first (only) family holiday this year.

I am really looking forward to having some time away from the laptop and mobile phone, playing at the beach with my 2 year old and having quality 'fun time' as a family. However, I am aware of this somewhat secret desire within me for a 'parents holiday' ... time where my husband and I can have a holiday from being parents ... even just for a day or two.

As much as I am looking forward to our family holiday I know it doesn't free me from dealing with toddler tantrums, negotiations about how many times hands get washed and how long the water can run for, or a seemingly endless number of times I hear "what's that"? I will still be eating dinner at 5.30pm and getting up 5 times during my meal to get 'more drink', 'a different spoon' or whatever else is required to get toddler dinner consumed.

This secret desire of mine has raised many questions - mainly 'Am I selfish for wanting a parent holiday'? and 'How can my husband and I actually get one ... preferably before baby #2 arrives later this year?"

Do you ever have a parent holiday (24hours, weekend, week?) with your partner? How do you achieve this?

Ideas I have stolen from other parents include:

holiday with other families and give each other time our from being "parents"
take grandparents on holiday with you so you can have some time out from being 'parents'
leave the children with relatives/friends for the weekend (or longer) to have a parent holiday ... I recall being very envious of friends who left their toddler with grandparents for 5 days whilst they went skiing
holiday in places that have a "Kids Club" to allow for some parent time off
swap "sleepover" Saturday nights with another family to have a mini-weekend ... stay at home or getaway somewhere nearby

By the time this blog is live on our website I will be building sandcastles on the beach, looking in rock pools or once again answering the question "What's that?" ... and I will be loving it!
My secret desire will still be there waiting for me to do something about it another day ...

Linda x

Would you be happier as a 1950's housewife? by Linda Anderson
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums, A Mum's View
26 Jul 2010 | 2 Comments

This week I read this blog post suggesting that we would be happier if we lived in the 1950's ... really????

As Calli's recent blog exploring the links and contradictions between happiness and parenting prompted much comment and reflection from our community I was bemused and somewhat shocked by the idea that I might be happier as a 1950's housewife!

I don't believe in a second that a mum/housewife in the 1950's was any more/less happy that I am in 2010. If women were so incredibly happy about their role in society/family life in the 1950's why has so much evolved and changed since then?

Am I happy with the juggle of parenting, running 2 businesses, being a loving and supportive wife, trying to find time and energy for my own personal needs and interests? Mostly I am.
Am I happy every moment of every day juggling these things? Not at all!
Is it a challenge? Every day!
Would I choose for it to be different? No way! As challenging as this juggle is it is still something I choose. I am really blessed and proud that I can choose this.

I think one of the things that bothers me about the comparison is the suggestion that our happiness is totally driven by our external circumstances. On some levels it is but I know within myself that my experience of "happiness" is largely driven by my perspectives and personal state of being. How I choose to view my day, my circumstances, and my challenges influences how "happy" I actually feel ...

All of this is simply my view on the world and does not make it "right" ... just mine. So what about you? Would you rather be a 1950's housewife? Would you be happier?

Linda x

Parenting and Happiness - the ultimate contradiction by Mums on the Go
in Motherhood, Wellbeing for Mums
13 Jul 2010 | 9 Comments

Last night when our entire house was kept awake FOR HOURS by our sleep-dodging youngest child, any remaining chance that we would have another baby was obliterated. My husband and I could not raise another child without inflicting some serious damage to our marriage, and our mental health.

Don't get me wrong. Becoming a mother was the best thing I have done with my life. But it is also the hardest. Not to mention the biggest challenge that our marriage has encountered.

The latest viral social media inspired topic Sydney Mums are discussing is an article published in New York Magazine. It is an incredibly forensic look at the relationship between parenting and happiness. You are probably not going to believe this, but the article cites research after research that indicates becoming a parent doesn't make you a happier individual. In fact, one study demonstrated that the more children you have, the unhappier your become.

We've discussed Australian research that backs this up. Mums are much less happier than dads, and Single Mums are the unhappiest.

I can't urge you strongly enough to read the article yourself - and make up your own mind. But here are the points that resonated with me:

* Today's Mums spend more time with their children than what Mums did in 1975 & they still think they are not spending enough time with their kids.

* Married Mothers have less leisure time than ever before

* Over 70 per cent of mothers crave more time for themselves

* " Marital satisfaction" declines after the onset of parenting. (One study showed that 40% of marital arguments were about their kids)

* The wealthier parents are, and the more access they have to child care correlates to overall feeling that parenting is unfulfilling.

* Today's Mums are comparing their parenting style to other Mums around them, which in turns places pressure on themselves.

Before I am castigated for raising the possibility that parenting can be corrosive, I have left the good news until last. There may not be as much joy day-to-day in being a parent, (Before you protest think about how happy doing the Laundry and Toilet training makes you!) However parenting is a rewarding pursuit and gives purpose to our lives. And according to Martin Seligman who pioneered positive psychology, they are more important than being happy.

So I've come away from this article feeling kind of liberated.

Until now I have felt an unspoken pressure to enjoy and embrace EVERY aspect of being a mother - from the 10 loads of weekly washing, to the hours spent at the park pushing a swing. And I have also felt that if I had admitted publicly to feeling numb from the banality of some conversations (with other Mums) I would be ostracized high-school style.

After reading this article, I feel like it's OK to admit that being a mother has come at some considerable cost to me as an individual (especially the loss of freedom) and to my marriage - sex is less spontaneous than it used to be, but hey, at least we're doin' it!

I know that in tonight's early hours when our toddler is wanting to party instead of sleep, I won't be feeling very happy. Especially as it will probably mean I have to forgo my run in the morning as a consequence. But I will feel a sense of purpose because my husband and I are working as a team to set some loving, considered boundaries for our child.

So I'm wondering if we just shouldn't think of parenting as something that brings us happiness. Let's just kiss that concept goodbye. I feel secure in my attachment with my children to freely admit that, most minutes of the day I am not joyously happy. But the purpose of my life and the love I feel for my kids? That is so great that words escape me.

Calli x

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the New York Magazine article Why Parents Hate Parenting, and indeed on my own confessions.

Looking after your own needs by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums
12 Jul 2010 | 0 Comments

This week more than ever I appreciate the need to make time for yourself and look after your own needs as a Mum. Why? well basically I am doing neither of these things right now and I am really feeling the impact!

As this blog post loads to our site I will be in the process of packing up my house and office in preparation for our family move to Melbourne.

This past week has been full of things like:

finishing house renovations to have our Sydney home ready to rent out
preparing as much business activity (like this blog) ahead of time to allow me to pack the laptop away for a week
squeezing in medical checkup and scans relating to my pregnancy
preparing for my daughters 2nd birthday party
looking after extended family who are staying with us for a family wedding over the weekend

You get the picture ... life is crazy busy and full of lists of things that have to be dealt with before I get on that plane to Melbourne.

Where is the space for me to look after my own needs? well, I pretty much accept that there isn't any but I struggle to deal with the consequences of that.

Not having space or time for myself means:

I am feel like I am giving lots of energy to other people and activities and getting nothing back
I am really tired
I am more short tempered than usual
I have been sick for 3 weeks and still can't kick the cold
I struggle to appreciate all the nice things that are happening around me

Luckily I know this is a short term experience but it makes me wonder how many Mums feel like this week in week out. How many Mums feel like they never really get time for themselves and never really get to look after their own needs?

What is your experience with this?
How does it make you feel?
What would you like to do differently?

I will check in with responses when my plane lands in Melbourne!

Linda x

A pain in the neck! by Linda Anderson
in Wellbeing for Mums, Child Friendly Experiences
15 Jun 2010 | 0 Comments

A number of Mums have spoken with me recently about the kinds of businesses they look for in the Mums on the Go directory. It seems these fall into categories such as:

things Mums like doing and enjoy taking their kids/baby along to: cafes, movies etc
things Mums really want/need to be doing but have found hard to do with children (and so have probably neglected): getting exercise, getting a haircut, clothes shopping etc

However, some things Mums want to do for themselves and they really don't want to take their children along even if it is possible - such as the beautician, hairdresser or medical appointments. I can relate to this and think it is wonderful if Mums can still do these things as "me time".

Recently my neck totally seized up and I was in a lot of pain. My husband was interstate, we have no family in Sydney, all my friends are at work Mon-Fri, and it would still be 3 more days before my toddler had a day in childcare. I waited 24 hours hoping I could sleep it off but when I awoke the next day in even more pain and with even less movement I knew I needed to have it treated ASAP.

Going to the physio would normally be something I would not choose to take a child along to ... if I had the choice I would make an appointment on a day I could go alone. However, there was no choice on this day ... I needed treatment and my toddler would have to come too. Luckily I knew of a physio in the Inner West who was child-friendly thanks to the creation of this site and he had me booked in straight away.

So what was it like having a toddler come along to my physio appointment? The honest answer is ... challenging. The staff and facilities were magnificent and embraced having her there. They had toys, and swiss balls for her to play with and I had brought a stash of her favourite toys, books and snacks. I expected my daughter to play happily and possibly get up to mischief but instead she became distressed at the sight of Mummy lying on a table being touched by a stranger. I found her distress the most challenging part of the experience.

Staff were great at lifting her up to sit with me when she wanted me, helping her down when she didn't and helping distract her when she was upset. I discovered I am very good at singing "Dingle Dangle Scarecrow", with a toddler sitting on my tummy whilst having my neck manipulated ... who would have known!

Having chatted with the physio about the experience I get the feeling that all kids have a different response to being there ... some are happy, some are not, some are happy the next time they come along because it is not new any more.

What did I learn from my experience?

I would still prefer to go to the physio without a toddler
I would go again with her though if I had an urgent need
That I am so happy to know there are businesses who are child-friendly in a time of need

Linda x

Weighty Issues by Mums on the Go
in Wellbeing for Mums
8 Jun 2010 | 6 Comments

I have had a "weight problem" my whole life. It started when I was young and adults would comment on the fact I hadn't lost my "baby fat", then as I got older my size was referred to as "chubby". A particularly scarring moment came in year 6 when the whole class took turns to stand on the scales and I weighed 45kgs. Not only was I the second heaviest girl in the class (and the shortest) but the teacher then exclaimed to everyone that she weighed less than me! (I can still hear the delight in her voice).

For the next 20-odd years i carried a burning sense of shame and I had a very unhealthy relationship to food and my own body image.

After enduring one crash diet after another - all ending in failure, (including taking many different weight loss tablets) in my late 20s I adopted a sensible exercise/eating plan. I was really fortunate to have been in a loving relationship at the time and my partner supported me through my adoption of a healthier lifestyle - and over a couple of years, dropped 15kgs. (A lot considering I am under 5 foot). It was slow, but it worked.

These days, I am at peace with my weight. Of course I'd love to be a bit slimmer as I havent returned to my pre-baby weight, but I am not prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to shed the last couple of kilos. It is my choice, and I am content with my decision.

What is more important to me is that I can honestly say that I eat healthily, run between 3- 5 times a week (weather permitting) and allow myself the daily glass of vino and row of dark chocolate after I put the girls to bed. It is a wonderful feeling to not be crippled by the daily repetitive thoughts of how fat and uncomfortable I am and how "tomorrow I'll start a diet."

But the best part of all about being a peace with my weight and having a healthy attitude/relationship with food and exercise is that i am in a better position to help my beautiful girls when they, too, inevitably enter this dark space.

If you have lost your body confidence and would like to lose some weight, spruce up your love life, and don't mind doing it publicly, then a new television show is looking for women to take part in a new health and well being show.

Here are the details:

We are looking for women to take part in our new health and well-being show; who, with the support of their husband or long-term partner, want to kick their bad habits and put the zing back into their life!

By adopting a new health regime for 8 weeks, we want to get you feeling like your old self, spruce up your love life and make you feel like the confident, gorgeous woman you deserve to be!

To express an interest in the show or to find out more information please contact Shelley at SRadford@sstar.com.au

or call 02 9202 8906

To apply, ladies must be over 18 years of age, an Australian resident and live in NSW, Sydney region.

Do you think about how your attitude towards food and exercise impacts your kids? is it something you actively try to address? If so, we'd love to hear your experiences.....

All the best

Calli xx

PS As you can see from the pic, I don't have a runners body, but I really don't mind, as I'm giving it a red hot go, and that's what matters most to me....